Mi$3R@bLe L!F3

2012-01-18T09:52:00.001+08:00

Dear Fyrouz,

Oh well. You know the drill. The same one.
You suck.

Sincerely,
Your ex-girlfriend-which-you-dumped-for-another-girl-who-in-the-end-dumped-you-for-another-guy.

2011-06-13T10:49:00.002+08:00

You used to tell me that you need me in your life.
Well, I guess behaviour changes
You needed me.

No more now..

You know, it kept pulling me back
Then I managed to get out of it
Then it pull me back again..

I am making sure that my history will not be able to haunt me again in future
For sure, there will be effects
But at least, it will be very little

I am not sure myself if he's reading my blog
Maybe he does
Maybe not

I do feel like a slut now
Seriously, full fledged
My life changed alot
And I understood the meaning of becoming a wife
But then, he didnt give me the chance
To pursue that dream of mine
Really, shattered

For how many times people may ask me on my condition
I will just answer, " Im fine. Living but still broken "

I guess it is right afterall that I cannot getting hurt all the time once I live under the same roof as him

Its still a war inside
The feelings and thoughts fighting against each other
My body is the battlefield

I cannot apologise for I may be smarter than you
I cannot apologise for I may be stronger than you
I cannot apologise for I may be much more firm than you
But I can apologise that you've met me and had me as your girlfriend
As someone you treated as a wife

As so to say, I cannot apologise for being jealous when you went into contact with girls behind my back
And that Shikin is your ex
I respected you and you do not acknowledge that

You refuse to look at Jerry and the others
You said its up to you to give that suit to anyone, even if its Shikin
It reflects alot back at you
How I was being neglected by you

This is my brains doing the work
But my heart is stepping up its game and fighting against it
Emotions are running extremely wild
As I missed you so very dearly, I remembered, I accepted you for who you are

But you can never accept it
My ego is stepping up taking its course
For i am very afraid, I would go back to who I was before Im with you

This is brutal
I cannot stay like this forever
I was very much fooled
In everything that happened to me, both now and before

I miss you sayang
So much
I know I do
But I am so heartbroken with what you did
I dont know why
I dont understand why
You know me to be like this
You have no patience in me yet you have no trust in me
My patience and trust with you is countless
Never did I love someone this much before

I covered up, numb all these feelings I had for you
I know one day, this barrier is going to break
Once it starts to crack
I have to do something about it

I forced myself to face these shits
The memories
I forced myself to face all these to make sure Im fine in future

Its only about 2 weeks plus since we broke up
Its still considered new

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2011-06-10T16:20:00.001+08:00

I kinda miss hugging you from the back
But I kinda despise that memory as well

I am better these days
I am frustrated with my job
But I am not recovered
Bear that in mind
My temper is really coming back
The old one where tables will apparently fly around the classroom and all
That kinda temper
I guess, unleashing the inner dragon?
LOL!

But yeah
I am better but Im still broken
So yeah, coz of memories

But one thing for sure
Yishun used to be the place for me to hangout
Then it became a hotspot for me to get screwed
Then it became a place for a big nono to go over to hangout
Then I always go there just because Im going to his house
then now, it becomes the place for me to hangout

Like I told my sister
"I dont give a fuck anymore if they see me smoking"

Seriously
No one's perfect
Im out
What for hiding?

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2011-06-07T14:13:00.002+08:00

Sweetie,
Dont threaten
It just shows you being inconfident to face those shits coming your way.
Fight it, dear
Dont threaten.
It aint got any effect on me, yeah?
Sorry if Im the shit?
Sorry you're being shitty to me.
:)

Oh well,
I have to be tak kuasa now
I don't care
Not my problem, not then its not
You create the mess, you clean it up
Sooorry
I am not your sochai

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~~

2011-06-04T23:56:00.002+08:00

I was deleting albums from my facebook
And I realized something

All these times
My world revolves only around you

You didnt only break my heart
Knowing Im a daddy's girl
You broke my dad's heart too
Its very sad seeing him like that
Never was his heart broken like this

Alah.. nvmla..
Ive been a faithful one to you
But I get this
You may say its not only about faithful
But it is always only about that
Think about it
Being faithful is something big with many branches
Up to you to see those branches
Learning from it..

Btw, Hangover 2 was awesome!
Hidayah was laughing so very loud!!
LOL!

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy

I promise I will clean up once Im done..

2011-06-04T02:29:00.002+08:00

Its still a war inside

Im screaming I love you so
But everyone around me are all against you now
They wanna get even with you
But I still protect you
I told them to lay off

They listen to me
They respect me
Because its my problem

I have always been deliberating all the time
I am unstable

From here forth,
Dear,
I have gotten back my money
This time
I am still unstable
But Im stronger than before
Dear, no matter how much I love you
Whenever I thought of the memories we have
I feel nothing anymore now
I managed to rip my feelings for you off myself
But I remember your good deeds and thats what makes it difficult
Im always worried that you're putting it to waste
All those nightmares that you used to have
Actually, dreams are always the opposite..
Kuasa Allah
Dear, I admit I do have frustration towards you
I dont hate people but I do hate you
I hate you but I love you
Its this war inside
Because at the crucial time you leave me
And I read the messages before
How I was very blinded by you.

I will clean up once Im done
And I will disappear

You've destroyed me totally
I am angry at you
But what can I do?
Dear, it hurts me so much to see our conversations and photos
The guy that kissed me in those photos
Is someone I dont know anymore
He has long disappeared

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

You deserve me being cold to you from now on

2011-06-03T11:56:00.003+08:00

Once Im done with everything
I will be the most 'tak kuasa' person you'll ever meet
Unless, Im convinced

Other than that
Priority now is myself
My family
My close friends
And no one else.

Its a nightmare
Suffering from several sickness and to get a gift of farewell from the one you loved most
Its the thing that hurts the most and there are other strong proofs that supports my 'dont bother' kinda attitude

Erm yeah, I will get over it
Because I don't care anymore

Now I feel like a slut
Because of you..
Oh.. thanks

Period

2011-05-29T18:59:00.002+08:00

For starters,
Im back on track.
Simply because
I am very blessed to have friends who still trust my judgement
Younger cousins who still look for me for a shoulder to cry on
These people who never leave my side.

To the extend, I even got confused on who to be my bride's maid when I get married you know!
Really!
I want all la can?
Roboh jugak pelamin.
hahaha!

My younger cousin from malaysia, Fizah
Just Kakao Talk with me from malaysia
Telling me her problems with her bf

Of course, I never run away when people need my help
Never ever
Never say never *singing justin bieber's song*
Im starting to like this boy you know..
Oh gosh!
Thanks to Shirin la

But back to Fizah,
I helped her out
Giving her solutions to solve the problem
I hope I havent lost my touch yet

Because my judgement is the one that they always look for
Yeah, I hope this one works

Im always there when people need me
Glad that my sisters are always here to help me out

Second sister felt a pinch somewhere about my situation right now
Knowing her experience, she knows how it feels
I know I fought with her like a million times but like she said
Im always her younger sister

Im getting out of my bombshell
Slowly
And I am very blessed that my friends and family has been patient with me
Always having faith in me that I'll be ok
The bunch of friends who never get involved in my problems
But only always advised me solutions, for me.

Only for me
Because like me, like them too, always say
"Hidup kau. Kau yang nak. Kau yang decide"

I will always remember what Khai told me
"You're smarter than this. You're stronger than everyone of your friends"
Twinny too, always say,
"You're always and always be my one and only strong twinny"

So to me now,
get up.
Get up
Wake up
I am independant
And will always be..

Dear blog,
I love you I love you I love you!
mwah mwah mwah! *hugs and kisses*

Okay, so obssessed.
But this blog
Holds alot of my memories

Ive kept in too much
Too long
I gotta get out of my bombshell
Putting aside relationships
And push through my ambitions
I have put aside my ambitions and this time
Its time for it to take on the stage
I can barely feel how I felt before
How heartbroken I was to be pushing myself to that extend
Its not that Im not available
I am
But you know, my heart is still with him
So yar..

Uh prett~
K bye

The other blog = In the process of revamping to become an official Vlog.
Hoorah!

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2011-05-29T16:13:00.002+08:00

I gave you the second chance before
And Im not given any now..
Nevermind
Its still early to say
During this duration
I'll just myself prepared..

I sayang you macam mana pon
Tapi kalau u da taknak kat I
There is absolutely nothing I can do about it
Hope you're happy now

Erm.. yeah
Only Ridaudin knows the real story behind the separation of me and Khai.
What more can I say?
He wasnt the one who leaves me for my attitude
He's the one who cherish it but because of my undying commitment to my friends
I lost him

That is why I sacrificed alot of them to commit more to you
I commit everything to you
But, this is what I get..
I dont know why is this happening and its hurting me so much.

I know you told your aunty that i asked for the break up
I asked you, " do you know why i asked you to let me go?"
You said, " Because you're sick and tired of me"
I said again, "No, its because you dont know whether you want me or not. Its a yes or no. Once you said I dont know, its already 50-50. Thats why I said, might as well let me go"

you kept quiet sayang..
You said I pressurized you
Im sorry..
And I admit to you, I lied when I said im sick of you or ive had enough of you.
I lied
Because I love you so much
I looked up to you as my mentor
I gave you my heart, body and soul
I gave you everything
And everything just turns out this way
Its not because its like this already then I said these
Its all the hard truths that I look at you as someone that will bimbing me.
Remember, I meant it when I said Ive never given up on you.

I dont know if you will give me a second chance
But Im taking in alot of advices
Like kakak said, its better if this is a timeoff, not a break up
For the time being, I have to get prepared.
Whatever it is, Im still alive
I may doa kepada Allah like that
But if His decision is to not take away my feelings for you
Then there it is

I dont know either what else to say
Sayang, memang I rindukan u
Sangat sangat
Tapi tidak mengapa
(ohh~ tidak mengapa)
Like you always said it

Im on my own now..
Forever

2011-05-29T00:55:00.002+08:00

I went to urut just now and cried out loud

Got to know, my uncle told me,

"Rahim kau da bengkak"

My womb is swollen.

Sakit lagi.. aiya.

Okay bye

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2011-05-26T22:38:00.003+08:00

Talk big in blogs
But different in reality
That was me before
Seriously
When I chance upon the old posts
I realized that very much

In reality, I was the person who will speak to anyone
But my tone was different from the blogs
I wasnt high and mighty
I was just, confident
That confidence was my precious possession before
I lost it along the way as I grew up.

Very different
There is much truths and lies in my character just by deciphering from this blog
No one knows you 100%
Until you live under the same roof

I am the person who possesses alot of friends
But cherish one person who I trust to hold my heart

Loving someone is like giving them the gun and put it to your head and trust them that they will never pull the trigger

I miss you sayang
So very dearly
If I can kneel down and beg you now
I will do it..

I love you too much to let go.
I gave you everything
Including my heart and my future

2011-01-02T18:54:00.001+08:00

I dont wish to be someone you're looking for
I wish and hope to be someone you need

2010-04-18T22:42:00.001+08:00

I cant help it but to lie
I have to
In order to save myself
From that raging fire that once again got lit up

2010-01-04T01:02:00.002+08:00

One day
If this blog reopens
Everyone is so gonna see my hidden posts
Just because i closed it down
haha!
Im really lazy to meddle with the codes all over again

Fyrouz
heh!
I dunno how to say this but i know i love him alot alot alot
And when he went back to camp
I felt so lost

Yes
This mofo
This stubborn mofo
This annoying and harsh person
Can get stuck like this

Well
I did let it out to twinny
and in a way
I changed personality for awhile coz i suddenly went
"omg! what happened to me damnit!"

What to do
Orang tua
You know i kept my tears all the time when you leave
Eventho you teased me to cry in front of you
To cry you a river
I know you dont mean it
Coz i know that you know, i most of the time do the opposite
The more you told me to smoke
I wouldnt want to
The more you want me to eat
I cant
The more you want me to cry
I shouldnt

I hold it up all the way
Coz theres no way im having my own time alone in the house
You know
theres alot of ppl now

You managed to talk to me on the phone in camp for awhile
Even its awhile
I was glad to talk to you
And i think you do realize
How down i sounded like

Im tired of being all alone
And this solitary moment makes me want to come back home

You wanted me to sing in front of you all the time
I cant
But maybe one day
I will record for you
Just wait for that one day
ok?

i always laugh, smile when im sad or angry
i do the same when im happy
Thats why its diff to define
But i think, you can differentiate it soon enough

I love you alot
I miss you alot
Even if in future, im reading this, i will criticize myself for being mushy
I dont care
I just wanna see u
I just wanna meet you
and be with you all the way

We're always rushing for time
Everytime
And im sad that you have to leave all the time

I told you i cant bear the pain
you said you would try to make time just to see me coz you dont want me to bear the pain

I still cn contact u thru the phone
I will miss you alot

haiz
theres no words that can describe my feelings now
its too unbearable to endure
but this is a test
im holding on to you
coz i you're the one that will be the last
you're the one that i really need

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-09-13T13:23:00.000+08:00

Blog has been shut down since the post before this
The previous post la

now i think its diff
after a while when the thing failed
I would think i was stupid and naive and childish to do all that
damnit
I just want to CRY!
cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry
cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry

CCRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-07-28T22:18:00.000+08:00

Moving forward the shutting down to end of July
oh well...

the kids had a trip to the library today
Guess they really filled my time
Thats why i didnt feel so much regret leaving RP anyway.
Well, the other blog is still on
Find it if you can.

넌 나븐 여자야...

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-07-27T21:42:00.000+08:00

This blog would be shutting down on the 8th of August 2009
So any photos here, if you wanna grab, grab it before this date
I might re open it back
But it wont be soon
Not opening another blog
This blog has served me well for more than 3 years
If you can find me on the other side, then you've found me

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

Is having friends a good things or is it just something that would victimised myself?

2009-07-26T19:02:00.001+08:00

I might just shut down this site soon
These thoughts inside my head wont stop bothering me
And no one noes what im thinking actually
Why the sudden change of emotions all the time
Why i just wont listen
Why i am so furious with my brother
Even when i dont say it, i am feeling it

I know sis did asked if there is something bothering me
Just told her that ive been bothered for so many years already
But she realizes that something is really wrong with me and no one actually understands how hard it is for me to explain it in detail
None of you would understand
I am very serious in this
I am being extremely frank here

Smoking wont calm me down
Nothing does
Neglecting my prayers for 2 years already
Do you even know how bad it feels?
I hate it
I just want my old self back
That one person who's quite carefree
Who knows how to make my parents angry and dunno how to make-do with it
Remained blur and not know alot of things like now
Its just exploding inside my head these 2 almost 3 years
I just want that girl who never fail to pray 5 times a day
Leaving one prayer would make her not be able to even do something else
And changing into what i am now
Do you even know how i become like this?!
To be overly obsessed with my ambitions
And change my mind every now and then
getting angry with my brother because he do not want to prac
When its all there, the time

I used to be the person who dont smoke
I dont even dared to touch the box
Im exposing everything here
I dont even go close to my dad when hes smoking
I used to be that daddy's girl
Now, i see him as my nemesis
I just knew too much
Even things that i shouldnt know, i knew
Even things i do not wanna know, i knew

Now im stuck
Thats what i meant FRIENDS!
You guys dont get it do you?!
Who would!!
I told sister "Its the same" when she said i seemed a little different ytd
How can i explain to her
I wished i can cry
But that incident in september 2007 just stopped me from it
Good, im not the person you can mess with
I can uphold myself and you can try to destroy me
But this is the truth

Every critics, mistakes appointed, im very weak to it
Im like a Hocrux
The outer layer is hard to destroy and will protect me as long as its intact
But its cracking
Do any of you even know that?!
Like i said
who would?!

I only have my blog to rant all these anger to
I have no exact HUMAN that i can tell everything to
I just think too much about their feelings
What would they think if i talk about it
Would they even listen?
I never failed to listen
I ALWAYS listen
But to advices, its hard for me to FOLLOW
But anything else apart of about me, i listen
To every feelings you all had
I listen
I know
Most of you thought, i dont listen as much as you dont listen

Sis
You wanna know why im bothered
Its this

I recorded everything yesterday but i lost it
Maybe its because of my fever that just got down
But i do feel im at the losing end
I see myself jumping down from the highest cliff
I have nowhere to go
Im just too obsessed with my ambition
And i kept saying the same thing but i felt different each time
It gets ppl bored to even listen to my talking
I went to work just to earn money
I quit school for my ambition
I work, its it too
None of you knew my real reason
Dont try to make me regret my decision on leaving that school
I didnt click with my Sem2 classmates
But its normal isnt it?
But indirectly, you dunno how it feels to be treated like a 'bimbo' in the class
Thats why i made excuses not to go to school!
It was asthma in the first few weeks, it was
After a while, many neglected me
Thats when i lost hope on even stepping into that class
I made up reasons saying my mom needed help and i have to go home immediately
Remember that excuse some of you?
I even made Hizan called and act as if she wants me to go home immediately
I know this "I trusted you", "I believed you" phrases might be recited from your mouths right now
Im not dumb
I know alot of things
No one knows how my brain works
I can lie at the very last minute
I can make my lies seems true with only me knowing the truth
I covered everyone's butt for their safety
And most of the time, i forgot about mine

Why is it so difficult to even spare time to talk to me?
Buddy
Yes, this paragraph is specially for you
I can to help you
Even at my busiest times, i still put everything aside and help you
I dont want any friend of mine to die
Just lemme die from it, but not you
Do you even know this?

I dont care about my looks when i leave the house
Sis,
Remembered on how you bug me to put on something on my face coz its hari raya in 2007 but i refused?
My believe is still intact
If the heart is pure, you will be too. If its not, you wont

Just look at my evil works and lies
You didnt know i stole my parents money
Those money that were lost before, i stole it
Part of it were me

All of those doings, those bad doings of mine
Everything is in my head
Its not miraculous that i changed to be like this in 2 years

Theres no point in apologising to me, anyone of you
I never blamed anyone around me
But i blamed myself
For not being able to win over your heart and show some appreciation to what i have done
And of course, to those who have helped me, i have tried hard in showing my appreciation
If its not up to your standards, from the bottom of my heart, i really thank you
I cannot describe this thanks that i felt
Its too big and it made me smile alot

Just imagine on how buddy's small message like, "gi tido!" can make me smile very widely till i went to bed
How twinny's "cranky woman!" could make me laugh everytime i thought of it
how W16M's "ehh trojan!" can make me happy all of a sudden whenever i thought of it
And how mom's first present to me, years ago, a hello kitty bank, can make me smile when i thought of it till now

These tears and the scream for help is all stuck in my throat
It wont come out
Because i just have it not to

These are not even half of what is in my head
not even half

I dont seem busy because im not
My mind is working non stop
My thoughts are always there to bother me
I cant stop it and none of you can
Im just too obsessed

Dont tell me its part of growing up
I know what is and whats not
And you can say that im selfish on appointing what good i have done to ppl and not what good they have done to me
Just not to worry
I never neglected it
And thats part of the reason why i dont want to hurt or leave anyone of you
And i lied on not loving khai anymore
I do actually
Who dont? Just dont lie
I covered this one the most
I still do regret losing a friend like him
A brother like him
Seeing him now made me smile and angry at the same time
When Rid mentioned about him
I stayed immune to it
But yes, ive moved on
They are just memories
They are my lessons
They were my days
Its only mine to keep
And i have the right to keep it

Im always so lonely
Just that, no one knows

Even if my humours are great to you
Its not to me
Its never to me

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

On Holiday

2009-07-24T23:30:00.004+08:00

Jangan nk berangan la aku, holiday

Ok
Im not so excited on seeing my post having small fonts because i cant enlarge it
Well,i can change the template but im lazy to see the codes
In no mood
Everyday, at least one person would come up to me asking me about computers
Im no robot!
I still got flaws
But its a good thing that they think im reliable in that sense
hurhur

Its been a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG Holiday
Ive been on MC for 4 straight days
yes
4 STRAIGHT DAYS
Feels like quarantine
Just imagine staying at home not getting to go out only to visit the doc and check if i can go back to work

I had MC ytd because i thought my fever was out
But Tuesday night, i was cold and that my temperature went up like nobody's business
I wore gloves(the farmer's mind you) and double layer of sock(2 pairs la duh!)...
To sum it up
I look like somekind of a korean maiden
haha!
UGLY
I didnt let anyone see me
I was in my room 24/7
My handphone giving me problems
Aiya, you know la what you get when you have fever
I dont have to explain it here when its too obvious
Unless i want symphaty like some ass-do-rags people

Sick or no sick
Im still on doing my researches
On what
You yourself should noe
Or not?
Ohh,if not, then its a bonus for me!

Half of my clan is having fever at the exact same time me and sibs got it
hahha!
Coincidence aye?
I think NOT!
Guess we're too tired after that chalet thing and we had to resume work straight after it and we dont have ample rest for it
And buddy, its not weak, we're just tired
We're not like you

When doc gave me that straight 4 days mc, ok, its actually 2 then 2 again, i saw two things flying
Sad of course
I saw my money and MC days flying
All bidding goodbye to me
I did fight for that MC ok!
But i lost
gee!
Thats why i mentioned i got arrested

I felt better today so yeah

Its the same thing here
If you dont wanna read it then fine
I know its boring reading this anyway

My brain didnt rest eventhough im resting
I wake up in the middle of the night like a million times again like before
I was thinking more than before
Im just all too tired for this
Im just too worked up for this
This is nuts
TOO nuts

And i did worry about my kids at school
I know i can rely on my partner like how zarinah said
"Yanying kan ader. Kau balik"
yeah
After reading her blog
I found out that Yanying(partner), had given problems to supervisor
When im around, simply that i did do my work but i did have some free time
We gave our work equally amongst us but didnt give problems to my supervisor
Well, i didnt know what she did
Guess i need to fix CCTV in the class
HAHA!
Thats crazy
Zarinah said she was being lazy
Its her
I dunno what she has done but i know i did alot of things when im around
Didnt even give the time to think that shes not doing anything

I was utterly shagged the past few days and i was lenient to the kids
Only that look of mine that shows unhappiness would make them shut up
Partner did shout or anything to make them shut up la
But as supervisor claimed, i have that fierce face.
LOL
Its more to unhappy la
Zarinah thought i was decent before
LOL

I wont ask for help
I REALLY DUNNO WHERE TO GO NOW!!
Even though i had plans for it, yet its not moving at all
not even an inch!
So sick of this

And to those netizens making up rumours here and there about FT being over-rated, lets just say
You guys are the ones that over-rated
Oops!
I jst said that
You sure dont want to be sued like how Kwon Sang Woo and his wife are suing some of them.
Watch your back
Well
Be like the netizens of me and friends
The watch it all and comment at the RIGHT things
:)

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-07-23T20:06:00.002+08:00

Dear shak,
Trust me on this
I had the weirdest but the second best dream in my life
I might not be here anymore if it were to be real
I dreamt of someone that you and I knew but never get to meet before
They came here before but our schedules just werent fit to see them even for awhile
Well
They came for a showcase and i was the organizer
As ive always been, im actually fussy in things
You werent there anyway
Was on the phone with the oldest amongst them
Saw their leader
They changed everything in that showcase
Being the person who has to sing it, doesnt
Because the leader said, its good to have a change for awhile

He was right in front of me
And at first, i wasnt much of a person to compromise but i closed one eye instead

Kau tahu saper la shak
After all those clues
Its FT..
duhhh
Oldest is you know who
And believe me
It was as if it was real
Coz they looked the same
And of course
JongHoon's eyes can melt anyone i tell you
haha
Weird
It was Yunho before
And it doesnt make me feel relieved after all those pressure in life
Well
It made me think more about what i want
It filled up my anger on going there to thrash him down
Well
Its just a dream
But meaning did lie behind it
Only its up to us to find its use

Well
Wont be working tmr either
So, 4 days mc
Its killing me, yes

What to do
Its fate.

Shak, they were singing 바래...

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-07-21T22:48:00.001+08:00

wthell is with blogger, i cant even post an entry properly lorr

Fine whatever
Shak posted some FT's pics in her blog
She put her blog to private so only certain ppl would noe these updates
Im the lucky one
And too bad for you fanatics, i aint posting the photos here coz, u gotta find it urself
huahua!

She indicated
**BONUS FOR MUNA**
(Jonghoon's pic)
hoohoo!!
I was like thanking here like crazy

So
this morning
The health police arrested me
I just decided to go to work and see my temperature from there, coz i downright know, ive got fever
But who knows, your assumption can be wrong in just a second u see

I went to take the temperature after the long walk from the MRT
Took the temperature and security said, its 36.7
and i have a look again and i told her its 37.6 lar dey

Was giddy like crazy, guess anita didnt paid much attention to it
Only ainee and zarinah saw it coz i was lying dwn on the canteen table
1.3o came and i went to the storeroom with zarinah
She immediately asked me to take the temperature and it was 38.3
Speaking of security's head themometer, it aint good coz its from a distance away
Told partner but nt anita coz i wanted to work
i was thinking of my mc only actually
Partner told anita and both of them quickly came to me to feel my body and forehead

"You can go home already"
Anita said
I said i dont want coz i came i already
Then she told me to rest and partner made sure i took my temperature again after an hour
Did, it didnt go down, it went up
38.4
so yeah
i cant walk so much but i forced myself to sweat so it would go down

I was feeling as if i wanna lie down n the floor that very moment
The aches is just too annoying i would say
Called mother to fetch but she has got backache herself
Called buddy but didnt pick up then he msged me
"Woits, im in class beb"
Then i askd finished what time and it was 5
So, i said no need to him and walked fucking slowly to the mrt
Everything slowly
Reached doctor to register mine and brother's
both fever
Told them ive got fever and they said
"choi la, dont say la"
Took my temp and it was 39.1
went up again

Gave me the mask and the person said
"Now, we all also micheal jackson"
LOL
brother's was 40.1
so yeah
One time, i was dizzy sleepy weak
Played with my brain again
And im all hyper
LOL

I got arrested for inflammation in the lungs, high fever and asthma, my all time best offence

Soo..
Doc wanted to gimme mc until friday
I was like
"NO! dont want. only today and tmr ok"
She gave me the choice
Coz i cant possibly have a day mc only
Coz im much more busy than before to recover overnight

Or else, come to my house for the show
Im everywhere you go
Im nt the type to sit still

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

사랑하닉거? I dont need it now but this question just pops up in my head

2009-07-18T22:43:00.005+08:00

Make something possible out of the impossible
I heard that line too many times already
Sometimes i wish im Harry Potter like how i dreamt off the other day
ahaha!

Magic here and there.

I swear i was filled with anxiety just now
I almost got caught smoking in the house by dad
Lucky, he didnt and bro's room has no smell of tobacco
haha!
Of course, bro act as if he didnt know anything

I left his room in a swift not giving my dad a chance to see me
Well, at least to my thoughts

My playlist cant play FT's songs
how disappointing
Well
I would listen to it myself then

Im getting sick of my way of life
Yeah, speaking of life again when i despise most on talking about it
If its the case of repeatedly, of course
Its just going straight
Yeah
But with many stops
Like bus stops

At least bus stops has a range between one and the other
Quite a range of at least 7 metres
Mine?
7 metres? 7 centimetres? 7 milimetres?
erm...
i would prefer to say 1 milimetres to be exact
Just imagine one after the other
Twin said its hurdles
I know
But the reason of my state of mind being like this
Is my hurdles
Im exhausted most of the time without knowing why
I cant wake up in the morning at all even though ive slept enough
Im not lazy in that term, if ive got things to do that i want, i would wake up
but i cant
I can sit up, but my eyes wont open
I ended up sleeping while sitting down and i know whats happenning around me
Weird
I know my mother was calling for me but i cant answer
because im sleeping

Thats how exhausted i am and why im always in a bad temper
Im always angry
I get fed up faster
I tend to give up easier

And im getting sick of myself because of myself

I get tired just by thinking
In a simpler note
Neck up : Very tired ALL the time
Neck down : Finds it hard to get tired

I dunno what to do now
I dunno what i can do now
giving me suggestions wont help
Because i wont do it
Its still up to me
Yet i myself cant make decisions
Im busy
yes
most of the time
busy thinking
I even walk around the house in a daze
And after a while, i stopped and thought
"What am i doing here again?"
And went back to where i was from before

How great
Maybe Hilmi is right with me having split personality
LOL
Because he said, one point of time, im talking about subject A, next im talking about subject C with no link
Which i dont remember what

ok
bye

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

ARGH!!SHUT UP!

2009-07-16T22:59:00.003+08:00

Going nuts
Now she wants to show me the teenage magazine that she has bought with all the bands inside
Im going nuts!
Shak
HELP!!
Just get me out of here
From what i told shak
We, the ones who know already are not so excited as them
Telling everyone about it, talking about it excessively
ARGH!!
Please
stop annoying me!!!!!!!

I was just shutting down my temper factory inside me just now at work about these
TRIED to calm down but i cant
Ended up throwing tantrums at my kids
Twinny, i tried
TRIED!

Shak, can i just put all the songs of FT's third album here????
all are nice
and im going nuts about this too

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

Its just everything inside my head with jumbled up matchings. GREAT huh??!

2009-07-15T23:07:00.004+08:00

Im just basically this face when i cut my hair short by brother right before i did with mine now
The expression of not so angry yet not so happy.
Not so certain and very confused
Become this pathetic face
Well
It makes a stupid face actually
which BRIEFLY describe on what i am now
STUPID
이바보!!

sheesh

I put my status in facebook as
"Cant take it anymore!"

It just went to the extreme when i watch something just now
And i hope Ridaudin and Khai wouldnt get offended by this
Just lemme let it out
Ive already let Khai go so theres no link to me wanting him back, araso?
Its true that ive lost a friend thats very close to me
Thats the reason why im actually depressed about
But at the same time, im lucky to lost him as a friend
Coz to my thinking, i dont have to act nice like them already
I am what i am now
My temper just rose everywhere it want to and im not acting nice to anyone unless im planning to destroy them
ok back on track

TRacking back
I saw the videos that ridaudin posted on facebook
more about acting
I saw khai's gf acting and i do have comments
and i sure cannot keep it to myself
because im not refraining the time i mentioned about the video
hello!
i went
"ok....thats fine"
then
"hahaha! kekek la denik"
then
"boooooring!"
then
"ok, stop watching!!!"
the last one was when my anger is coming
just knocking on my door
dunno why im angry
you can say im jealous
not of her
of the part that shes actually having something to do rather than a nooby teacher like me

Then the next video where khai acted as a mother?
yeah
its only for a few minutes
but i did commented
"The agony of the hair...."
then
"Ok, just stop"
Then i go change my status to the one that ive typed above
so yeah

Another subject
Anita,supervisor, got to know about SS501 and wanted to buy their first album and asked me about it
I said Singapore rarely sell
Like duh, just look at this country's market!
grr
And inside my heart, i was like
"You want to buy their first album with songs that are not appealing?????????"
Tell you what, of all the old songs they have, i only liked DEJA-VU!
and its my ringtone for VERY long already
hahaha!
And UR Man only consists of three of them
Yeongsaeng,Kyujong and my baby joon
soooo???
Its partial
And now they made solos which is way better
My problem lies with her interest
I told zarinah
I hate to be typical but i cant deny it if someone were to say that i am
So when someone from my workplace likes stuffs that im chasing for in reality, id want them to keep it to themselves and not tell me all about what they just knew
stuffs that i knew way before them
i would be very paranoid, i would tend to refrain from talking to them
i feel like they would catch up on me or whatever and there goes my concentration
Like having anita asking me to learn korean with her, even though ive already knew an acceptable amount of it,she wanted me to accompany her
You see, if i know nuts about that language, i have no problem with it
But i do know about it
And i cannot take the fact that she wants me to accompany her and be the same level as her
My dreams are related to that country
And i dont want to be pulled back!
Like she wanting me to go to the concert with her in December if baby joon's group,SS501, is coming, i said can, but id want to go with shakila and not to see anita at all
Because, shakila and friends are the ones that made me know about all these in a deeper way
despite me knowing to write and read korean rather than shak
Coz shak supported me
She knows what i want
And she knows many ways for me to get it
And she can find it
Its more to, she lead me
Shes the one who had me stuck on it
Coz before that, i was not so engrossed to it
Imagine me with anita
i would be stagnant for so long when i could move up higher with shakila faster
you get what i mean?!
haizz

Its nice to have W16M around me to just make my day

Hazwan of all ppl advised me
Just like twinny not giving up on me
Ppl has flaws and i know their style, they know mine
It explains how they can be considered better than my other friends back in the days before poly
I mean it this time
Seriously

I did advised twinny on alot of things ytd
And i am sure i am going nowhere now
I want to cry but its no use
coz anyway, i cant

Why is it so weird that i smiled and laughed or just show no expression whenever im angry or frustrated but temper just come when im just simply irritated

Emotions run wild
Im running wild
I JUST WANT TO RUN!!!
I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!
I NEED TO SHOUT IN REAL LIFE!
IM DESPERATE FOR MY AMBITIONS
WELL WHO WOULD UNDERSTAND
ONLY TWINNY
When others just acted as if they knew when they dont ~ W16M is different
And just go against me in a way they thought im not interested in
Just dont talk to me about korean stuffs!
It can only be Shakila or twinny
Even my brother annoys me
I dunno whats wrong with me
Its just me
JUST me

Call me a psycho for all i care

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-07-13T21:37:00.001+08:00

Ohh lookie here
I thought and wanted to get Yunho but i got minhwan instead
At least i didnt get Jaejin or else shakila would torture me first then kill me
hahahha!!

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

The conflict and politics within myself is worst than that of a friend with me

2009-07-13T21:26:00.002+08:00

Anita wants me to go with her to learn korean
Since i know better than her about the language,writings,understanding and culture
guess she figured it would be better if it would be me to follow her

I totally felt sad right after she said that to me
This sudden huge impact came to me saying
"You're doing this for your dreams arent you?"
then
"But you cant it get dont you?"
then
"No matter how, you MUST get it"

Im just braindead
I have nothing else to think about

Wan's latest post is the inspiring but its still up to me to carry it out

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-07-12T17:19:00.002+08:00

BACK AT HOME AT LAST!

Isa told me
"Lain kali buat kita kita jek ar. Korang nk isap rokok pon susah. Mama seme ader. Tak habis2, satu kat sana, satu kat hujung sana"

My temper didnt lock itself like i thought it would yesterday
Well, i lose my temper ytd at everyone
And so, i took off alone with Boss on the phone
Talked to him throughout my whole walk alone at ECP
And my temper just slow down a little bit
Of course, Ive got that unhappy face, but at least im not screaming anymore
Btw, thanks boss!
Dont ask me why i dont call buddy instead
Its just too obvious why
Ridaudin did call me
but nothing much

I dont wanna remember why i lose my temper
Let it be something small
Its quite long

Pictures
Most with Kak Epet
The female smokers went in and out of the chalet a million times to have a puff while the guys can happy happy smoke in front of our aunties
DUH
They knew!
Except for my younger brother's case of course
Its annoying to the extend that me and Anga smoked inside the room instead
haha!

Well
When i lose my temper that time
I just want to talk to Anga but shes snoring
So,After my walk
Anga asked
"Siti, come sit beside me"
Like i dunno
I saw that comingd
I just thought about it
I just was thinking of the words to say and not to jumble it up until she dont understand
Because i tend to be liddat when im furious
She said
"Where you go just now?I tried to call but cannot get through you.What happened?"
Of course in a nice tone
I said
"I went out for a walk. And i was on the phone."
"Why go out alone?"
"Because i want to"
"Dont try to lie to me la. I know gt something you're unhappy one"
Then bla bla bla
Of course
Kak Epet told her everything
Because she basically saw how i screamed at my mother
Ok, only rose my voice a tad higher

sooo
thats about it
today packed and im v tired
reached home then straight slam on my bed

I did rented some bicycles for 2 days
With abg shaleem extending it
And i dunno how many times ive cycled until my butt ached!
And i cant sit properly

WEll, there was an accident
A bee went under my arm at first that i almost lose control
The next, a bee went pass my face and i moved my head to make sure my hair is ok
But, the bee was stuck on my head!
I tried shaking it off that my hair covered my face and i fall
I scratched my ankle, got a scar on my hand (not another scar!) and some other parts too
It was not much
And i went
"Oh noo...My pants are dirty!!!"
hahaha!
It doesnt hurt even though it bleed all the way
Judin bought plain water and i washed my hands, leg, knee
Then i washed my pants most
HAHAH!

Then ape
member dok kat tengah jalan tk tahu nk alih
hahaha!!
bodoh siol

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-07-09T22:36:00.002+08:00

Its no problem for me to change my expression to make it look real whenever i dont even mean it
Also
Its no problem for me to not change my expression eventhough i dont feel right about that something
Most to most, out of constipation, i cannot stop my face from turning pale
And now im constipating
NO!
Kidding

I have always maintained my expression whenever things i dislike arouses
Unless i just let it lose and let the others see my black face about it
If you're not my friend, then why would i bother to cover it up?
See my black face and study it!
HAHAHAH!

Yeah, ive got a very bad temper
My mother dont like to see my face whenever my temper just comes
curious
shes like that
She dont like to see me a little angry also
Unless if its really my fault and shes scolding me
Which most of the time i dont show any expression, because i know its my fault
So yeah

So, everytime when i read something on the net
I get furious most of the time
That explains my sudden mood changes even though when im not on PMS
I get furious about the things that others might take it as trivial
So...yar
But i maintained my expression but inside, im boiling like crazy
Unless im alone
I will curse like crazy

Last year, i found out the Global Audit was in Malaysia in 2007
Found out on Jan last year and it was in November 07 if im not wrong
Then i go
"Ok...ive missed it...."
A second later
"FUCKADOODOO!! stupid assholes!"
yeah
thats how it goes

So no one would know on who's website, homepage or blog that actually has made me furious
Frankly
I can say everyone's has.
So far, not twinny's
Twinny's really is my novel
Others, it does
A few times at least

Of course some ppl cn gt furious with my posts
By all means, go ahead
But just telling
Ridaudin's blog pisses me off a million times last time
hhah
And i kept quiet and im posting it here now
You know what i cursed?
"Liar Liar pants on fire" On a very low tone
A second later
"Stupid asshole...All he does is this. Dont know how to change uh?!" tone increased by every word.
hahahah!!
Of course if it has nothing got to do with me, i wont gt angry
But that time, it is some sort related to me too
hahah!!

Btw
Was on MC today
Asthmatic
And Ainee did tell me before
"Your asthma is not good for your job. Very dangerous"
Im not another Anita
Im stronger babeh

Thats all about my bitch-fit
hahaha!

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-07-09T00:19:00.001+08:00

Can stop being racist anot you son of a bitch?!
Really annoyed and disappointed lor
These people really dunno what they would get in return by doing that here
I'll tell you what

NOTHING
YEAH
NOTHING!
N
O
T
H
I
N
G

Understand?
Still dont get it
Go dictionary dot com
Cant believe you're doing these for NOTHING
How FREE can you be?

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

Bloggers are people with alot of thoughts

2009-07-07T22:19:00.004+08:00

넌 납븐 여자야

Its funny to see buddy sprained his ankle like a million times already
Really dunno how to take care of himself
Remind yourself on how old you are boy.
huahua!

It was damn tiring today
It was tiring enough yesterday and came to work half awake
And my voice was abit hoarse and zarinah immediately said
"Sore throat ar?? go home go home"
Musibot kau
hahah!
And the rest just laughed at it
But it was fine
Twin did mentioned that my voice was different yesterday and its only normal when i went
"haa!"
-_-"
Because its high pitch
Kurangasam kau!

The cook was on mc today
So me and ainee took over her place
Of course its tiring
I went through that 'obstacle course' a few times already
And of course
I was dead tired
I sweat like an ass
Like seriously
My neck, back of my ears, my hands, forehead, HEAD
It sometimes dripped till my face!
wah!!
Under my nose is the annoying part la
Exercise also not until like this
Feels like i was drenched
Coz it was non stop
After this that, this that this that
Chasing for time so yaar

I cant feel my legs yesterday and it was still moderate today
And after this, i barely can walk home just now
walked slowly then TOILET!
BLADDER HIGH ALREADY!
oops!
well
I dont mind exposing this here
Coz why?
Dont tell me you dont have to urine before right?!
hahhaa!
No seriously, its just daily rantings in my blog unless ive got some issues to raise
huahua!

And yeah
Im not telling mom i got my extra commission, $150, today
Because of the mission my boss had for us since January
To keep the number of students at least 125 till June
And we did it
Yeah, only for those who's around from Jan to June that is
Others if gt also, i'll screw my boss i tell you
Unfair for Rui Ping coz she left by end of june
I really dont get it why
(We were suppose to go on a trip but thanks to H1N1 it was cancelled)

Everyone is tired at work
I came back to class shagged
HAHA

My handsome student, Jerald Chua, said:
"Teacher Siti, why your hair like dog liddat?"
I said:
"Jerald Chua, why your hair like porcupine liddat? Only worst."
He smiled, embarrassed
And i said:
"Go away lar you. Go and eat!Kepo"

Kids are kids
Ive still got my temper going
But still, i dont want them to hate me when i leave
Anytime la.
You will never noe

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

We got root beer to get drunk after everything. hahah!

2009-07-07T00:09:00.003+08:00

Well hello
i missed w16m so much that we decided to meet
well, theres only a few of us then
photos in facebook!

well
its tiring playing around that playground
going down the almost 3 stories high slide (or isit 4?)
it was very dizzy-ing!
hahaha!
kidz amaze is fun!
since we reached at about 7:40pm and it shuts at 9pm, they gave us half price!
from $5.35 to $2.50!
ahhaha!
treated iyan coz i dun want her to be left out of course
im a good twin!
hahaha!
money no issue la dey
stop worrying!

shirin shouts alot
well, videos are in facebook too
go see!
i took alot of videos and photos that my phone went out of battery
ahahaha!

it was tiring climbing up and down
and my pants kept going down!
ahahhaa!
and theres one point of time where i just lay down tired
well, videos videos videos!
and eri was with us
hehehe!
so, it means
we really had fun!

And i didnt mean to say nabey la!
i was reciting
"Mari........na Bay"
Say it that way so u get what i meant
and eri kept saying it!
hahha!!

till we meet again w16m
and i did called mic
he said
"Sorry siti, im otw back already. i noe u miss me. i miss you too..."
yeah, he said in a fast tone so u know what he meant
hes rushing and want me to hang up
coz im very demanding whaaat!
hahaha!!

Chin yang did say too
"Yar, you only"
hahaha!!
after i said
"You dont miss me ar?"
hahaha!!

We are liddat
just liddat
We say things that we dont mean most of the time
even the bad jokes
like hazwan's mouth being an utterly disgrace
so shirin, dont take it to heart, hes an asshole
good thing i punched him just now
and eri played with the stamp for the playground and purposely stamped it on hazwan's forehead!
hhaha!!!
stamped forehead

dont have my facebook account?
too bad for you, its a bonus for me!!
hahaha!

ok bye

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

Its nt difficult to be nice but dont hope on it coz im nt nice

2009-07-05T21:40:00.003+08:00

Lets make this a fast one
I went out to run some errands as usual
Theres nothing new to it

Went to KFC there with Nana
And i went to buy the food for the both of us

(Goes to the counter and got greeted.I asked about the fish burger that nana wanted and i was appointed to one of them and chose those)
M = Myself
G = Server (guy)

M : I want that and the it comes with what ar??
G : It comes with the these two (showing the usual stuff)
M : Ok, i'll take those. Change the drink to Ice Lemon Tea and both to be mashed potato
G : Whipped potato?
(Manager comes and said hat mashed and whipped potato is the same)
M : And with the ultimate value box
G : Ok
(After a while)
G : Melayu ehh?
M : Yar..asl?
G : ohh....tkde. muka mcm....ermm..
M : Mcm pernah nampak?
G : uh-huh
M : Ive heard that line a lot of times already
(That guy paisey already)
(Then he kept on flirting with me and he forgot all the changes in my orders until i reminded all of it to him!omg)
(Then ,when im about to carry the tray)
G : Boleh angkat tak?
M : Of course

hahahah!
who you're trying to mess with?
me?
haha!
Sorry kiddo
I noe you're still young
hahaha!

I was being very nice just now
hahaha!
Its nt difficult at all lor

You give in too much, you lose

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-07-04T19:10:00.002+08:00

I still need to find Kim Hyung Joon's solo!!
Ok, im slow
for this
ok wait
found it!!
hahahah!!
BABY JOON!

Im like 3 days slow!
ehehhee!!

It may not be important to you
But it is very important to me
I have no more mood to be angry, happy, funny or excited nowadays
I am just senseless and moodless

and my mother tried to carry my father

I can laugh here la duh
I am just typing

Checked my pay just now
got it
And in front of the atm itself
I was like
"YES!"
And the person behind me laughed at my sillyness
hah!
ok
i did smile at them to be polite
Laughed along too
Coz i admit it was silly of me to do that right in front of the atm
-_-"
Yeah, then im back to before

Whats there to smile about
laugh about
be excited about
look forward to

I can tell buddy that im fine
I am fine
The difference is that i dont bother to laugh at his dumb jokes la

I am nt angry
I cant be angry
not dont want
but cant
i can be funny now but i just dont bother
chalet?
3 days off?
10th on leave?
so?
big deal

I might just get screwed by the clan by typing these down
But im dead serious
i am not looking forward to it anyway
I did my hair just now
and i remembered that i did the almost same thing to it before last time, i was happy like mad
now, i smiled
like, "ok? good enough"
done
not that i hate it
its just fine

Guess twinny noes exactly why im like this
nothing got to do with work or friends or family neither is money
Its just that something i wanted so much
I just lose total hope in it
Twinny might just be coming to me again to push me to work harder
but i guess i wont budge now
People kept getting in the way and all

Brother's ex leader called home to have my brother for a performance and wanted me to send the message to him
If i wanted to, i can just not inform him anything or give the girl's number to contact for details and said that i didnt noe anything if she claimed to have told me before
I can play dirty, its not difficult
And i can take the risk of it
But again
i just dont bother

I will tell him later and done
Yet to prac for ours but this distraction is driving me nuts
Always theres someone that will come in our way
my way
its always me
why is it always me??
why?
im nt angry, a little bit dissapointed but im nt feeling anything
coz i just dont bother

again, why is it always me?
Of course others also get mishaps
but for cases/things that i dont mind nt getting a single bit of it, i get
But the one that i mind and will go berserk if i dont get it, im nt even close to it
im talking like i was 13 before

I just stooped so low that no one can reach me
again, a line when i was 13
history repeats itself
AGAIN, a line when i was 13
Nothing seems to take place
im just sick of it
And i can be angry here coz im just typing

My brother's ex leader gt no one to find for her performance isit?!
Why is it always my brother?
Why? you wanna say that im jealous coz u didnt choose me instead?
hey hey, i dont even want to go near you
not even close to these style of life
i just dont want to stay here you get me
and im nt that into dancing so much
nt as much as the other things i love to do
coz why?
whenever my brother and i are up to something to move on
you come and distract and pull him back to square one
when you pull him
you pull me too
and i have every right to be dissapointed with you
why cant u just find some other people?
And thanks to you
at least i feel angry abit now
after these days being immune to anything

I wanted to charge my hp battery ytd at night but anga was using both plugs for her psp and laptop and theres no other plugs for me
M: I want to charge my hp
A: Alamak, im using all the plugs for my psp and laptop ar. how le?
I just walk away with no facial expression and no replies
What do i do?
fight for it?
then get what?
theres no choice
then just find other ways or wait la
But usually, im always being funny about it
USUALLY nt ytd

and thanks to brother's ex leader, i feel angry a little bit now

maybe its just my time to be botherless now
i might resume back to normal next term or something
but you will never noe
My excess anger are still stuck inside and cannot get out
CANNOT, not dont want

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

Im just angry at everything

2009-07-03T22:02:00.004+08:00

소으오늘 말해부아

Yeah!
If its mine
I want my dreams now!

I got very angry at a student just now that i screamed my lungs out at him
Then migrain
Internal system alert : Limitations exceeded Limitations exceeded

Then i just sat at a nearby chair looking to the floor
dizzy like crazy
Then everyone was quiet
Partner knows my temper is extremely bad
I just blow up anytime
Having asthma is just a bonus
So, she did me a favour by controlling the class on behalf of me
Shes got tons of homework to check but its good enough she noes my temper and how it may come anytime
hah
well
guess thats one of the reasons why im single despite my busy and tight schedules
well.....
i want my dreams FIRST!
FIRST FIRST FIRST
Its ambition actually
haha!

And so
Im still on that journey
And with my temper, i can have it as an advantage and also a big disadvantage
Because, i might lose my temper while working to get that ambition
HAHHA!
Which sometimes happen

hahahah
This is just me

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-07-02T23:51:00.003+08:00

Chopped off my hair, its copper brown in colour now
Im referred as Minah Rep by Anga
Well, i admit, it looks very the minah rep style
Mak oi!
Im the next Hilmi!
hahaha!!
Thats exactly what i said after seeing the result

Students asked if i dyed, coloured, painted it
PAINTED it of all things
-_-"
Partner also asked
Min min thought i permed my hair
-_-"
Thats my real hair!
HAHAHA!

Meeting W16M on the 6th
Supervisor didnt come for 4 days already
Pay havent get
Im getting pissed actually at everything about my routine
Getting stupid
Im getting restless everyday

I just hope the meeting with W16M would ease me abit at least
Im already extremely exhausted
Even too exhausted to laugh at jokes even though they are funny to me
I dont even have the energy to make others laugh
If you laugh by the things that i actually said, then laugh la
I dont intend to joke about it anyway

I dunno what else to say
Just simply, im trying to at least survive by nt having a chance to do what i have passion for most
i just dont have the time, energy and zest

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-07-01T23:44:00.001+08:00

This is too much
this has gone too far
TOO FAR

2009-07-01T00:15:00.001+08:00

i am not backing down for all those nonsense you guys did
I did my part and theres nothing else than i can do even though i went over my limits
happy now??

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-06-29T23:54:00.003+08:00

On the 1st/2nd, chop off hair at night
On the 3rd, colour, at night
On the 4th should be working
Taking over Zarinah's shift
On the 6th, visiting W16M!!!!

And i didnt noe elaine migrated to NYP
And its such a small world that she has rafee on her facebook
small world
really small
not the world actually
Singapore is
hahaha!
well
hope to see that penguin on the 6th
haizz

Still remember we bought her penguins for her birthday present when she turned 17.
hmm...

haha!
drew on the three boards around
haha
Well
RP's system is crazy over us
only change when most of us left
that should be the reason why elaine migrated anyway
hahaha!
well
have fun there yeah penguin

haizz
work?
work's just work
it just gets dumb with that wolf around
motherfucking wolf

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

You can try screw me all you want for uploading this video but you wont get to even touch me

2009-06-28T19:00:00.004+08:00

Well
about the games day
I will be uploading the 20mins plus magic show on youtube
not here
and also, Joseph's devilish attitude
P1
Tell you what
i was holding my temper against him these days
i really feel like calling his parent and say
"hello. please permit me to slap your son at least once"
fuck man
We teachers are not allowed to beat the students
And when the student's parents pamper them TOO fucking much, they turn out that way!
Buy them this that
when we complain about their misbehaviour, they refuse to co-operate and work with us on making the child better
yes, REFUSE
hello!
what are we?!
dolls for your children to drive us mad?!
you parents should discipline your kids too!
When we teachers complain to you, we are acknowledging you that we need your co-operation with us too!
DUH!
you dumb?!
seriously
I was being bloody patient about it
And i really told myself, if this Joseph touch my P2
He wont get away with it!
Too much already
He thinks he's the boss
Yeah, kids
This joseph did this stuff (in the video soon to be uploaded) because he didnt get an eraser
fuckadoodoo
he thinks he will get everything he wants!
oh yeah i forgot
this P1 boy have and ipod already!
P1!
yeah, the mother bought it for him

And when we complain about their behaviour to their father (Theres joseph P1 and Jamie P3;siblings), guess what the father said?
"They are like that one"
FUCK
ehh!
they are like that, then you as the father cannot discipline them?!
We have to and yeah, they are stubborn like crazy
they not happy, we get it, how?
think la!
then we tell you for what?!
seriously
im really really MAD!
Then you as a father, do what?
sit there and dig ur ass instead?!
Im being verbally brutal here
I dont give a damn

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

few minutes

2009-06-25T22:59:00.003+08:00

I was depressed about work
Then i felt better after being entertained by buddy's nonsense and webcamming session
Yes, its ELLY!
wasted, i didnt get to see her flying kiss
-_-"
at least ive got these two

At last
I smiled
After being all gloomy at home
ok bye

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-06-25T20:38:00.002+08:00

Its dumb
I dont wanna talk about work
Just had a bad day
Abt games day materials
Yes, stupid i am

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-06-24T22:57:00.002+08:00

ok
so, i took off this blog add from facebook already
maybe, just maybe some of them noes
but i dont want my students to see all these
hello!
its my private thoughts, especially about them!
ok

i just pounced on this topic
When someone actually have said about something or post abt it on the net about a sad incident
and that someone actually dont feel that sad about it
when all the taggers came and said things like , 'cheer up', 'you'll be fine' or even 'its ok,pour it out'
-_-"
then the worse part is
this someone starts to act all wimpy and helpless after all those comments
like, c'mon
you want a kick from my beautiful feet?
no problem
i might just want to recommend you to have my cheap shoes inside your throat

like pls
if you want the taggers to not feel awkward of their comment
theres no need to lie
you can just say
'thanks. bt im fine, seriously'
no one gets embarassed, no one lies
safe

gedek

anyway
i dont want to talk about work for this whole july
please
i hope nothing that pisses me off came up
i hate ppl complaining abt others
and i really hope me n partner would tell each other abt our mishapes instead of complaining first
and if it came to a point of someone else complaining abt me without making sure first
lets just say
you've just got the game started baby
i dont have time to entertain it
but im sure will like to
:)
Coz, like i always say
Too bad for you
This is a bonus for me

ok bye

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

No complains

2009-06-23T21:14:00.003+08:00

Its a miracle i didnt update for a few days
Because i always update
hahahaha

Today work was peaceful
No, seriously
Bloody peaceful
I told ainee
"Si musang tak datang lar yer?"

So auntie didnt cook something nice
So me and zarinah went out to buy food
tmr yvonne will come and during lunch time, we will be buying the materials for the games day

Im furious on why i had to refrain some post on my blog
Like fuck la
Because its my thoughts
And if i dont refrain myself
People will assume and they would do this that
confront me here there
And i dont wish to entertain that
Why?
Aku tknk tutop periuk nasi sendiri la ehh
U know i know

So, P1 and P2 and P4 came to my class today while ruiping do the walkie talkie
Ainee teaching her P3 class
Me and zarinah taking care of everything else
Helping ainee also in case she didnt hear the call for P3
So basically, zarinah is outside of the class listening to the walkie talkie for updates from ruiping and im inside with my own walkie talkie listening to the names being called out and i would call them out to go to the gate
To go home of course
So, zarinah will reply to those calls from ruiping
easy?
this is called teamwork
hahaha!
yes of course, if im handling some other kids
zarinah will watch over for the rest

And for ainee, whenever she didnt hear the message for her class
zarinah or me will go over to her class to inform her
:)
Who say we cannot work?
hahaha!

Well
Its not tiring at all
really
Me, being a psycho teacher as usual, had the kids to shut up
hahaha!
Its good to be a psycho to them coz they wouldnt expect anything more from you
ahahhaa!

Bryan chow pisses me off
-_-"

And i forgot to say this
Buckle up
Im not refraining myself for this one
When i went out to buy food with zarinah, sarah came over to take care of my class
My class was dead quiet and when i leave the class too
coz, i didnt tell them anything
sarah came in only
Noise everywhere
hahaha!
what does it shows?
you go figure la hor

They are like that
with a teacher that never come inside the class to scold them at least once before, they wont be afraid
not like P3, never recognise the teacher, they just kept quiet until abit later then gt restless
P2, nooo....
all the way!
until they get scolded like crazy by that teacher, then they will refrain themselves
hahaha!

Sarah said that Amanda is like an ahlian
but what she dunno is
Amanda has got better now actually
She used to be so rude to me and yanying
now
she would say things nicely, but still irritating
hahaha!
she came to a point to respect me and yanying already
wakaka!
best kann?
Like just now, she didnt want me to get angry and shout all the way
she said nicely
"Teacher, dont shout so much la. I shout alot got sore throat, you never meh?"
hahaha!
And another time
"Teacher, dont shout , later we all blown away..."
hah!
Another time
"Teacher, now got thunder, if you shout, thunder becomes louder"
ya ya
LOL

Sarah also said JiaXi is like Amanda
Well, at least she WANTS to do work than before
She dont wanna do work at all last time
Always being so rude
Now?
hehe!

i just love the improvement
but me and partner still need to train them on being respectful to other teachers also
mcm yeye jek aku...padahal aku sebenarnyer tak mahu
hahaha!
sial kan aku?hahahha!
alah, we would try
It took us so long to train them to respect us alone
what about other teachers?
nvm, their grades!
shit man
I was feeling shitty when i saw their grades the other time
haiyaa

Cant wait for the holidays to end
yes, END
coz, i can start waking up later than now!
hahaha!!

My 11am timeslot has been filled with 'in school going through' already
not the usual 'waking up time'....
haha!

ok bye

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

Not that kind of depressed

2009-06-19T23:27:00.003+08:00

I forgot about this
I wanna share the feeling of depression with twinny

Im sorry that you still cant beat my duration of being single!
hahaha!
1Yr 8 months
You still got 1yr plus plus to beat it
Well, i guess it would be more by the time you've reached a year
HAHAHAHAHA!!

Well
this twinny has been trying to get me hooked up on anyone
but she does noe something about me
Im nt budging because my ambitions are waaaayyy important to me
hehehhee!!
sorry ar

but like ive said
its normal for you to be in the situation you are in now
but if you keep thinking about beating my record
then you're doomed!
hahaha!!

your twin here is single and only wants her ambitions
full to the stop
nothing else
hahahahah
again
i feel you
kinda
wakaka!

She said
"YOU BETTER GET YOUR DREAMS!"

:))

ok bye

still, i cant accept that baby joon to be this grown up so fast.
-_-"

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-06-19T23:09:00.000+08:00

Shak
He's changed alot!
hahahha!!!!

HyungJun, you've grown!

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

I cant deny that i hate frogs; literally and practically

2009-06-19T19:47:00.003+08:00

went for excursion just now
pictures all will be uploaded in facebook
im really tired and ive got no mood to face that psycho
i feel like killing each time i see her
and i feel like twisting the other's neck of course

I can be said of being too sensitive in these
but once the fire starts, it gets bigger
and the agony, so does my temper
it gets closer to eruption every single day
and i get fired up at the littlest things that these two psychos do
because it comes one after another
it didnt stop for even a sec
you think im gonna be nice goody two shoes?
no
of course i would be frustrated
too bad for you
This is a bonus for me

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-06-17T22:29:00.001+08:00

ZARINAH
AKU TK SUKA BOSS KITA!!!
AKU PON WAR NGAN DIER AR!
AKU PI SENDIRI!
PFFFFT!!

2009-06-17T22:12:00.002+08:00

I DECLARE THIS
WAR of the internal politics

4Minute in the playlist
Btw
Its really a nono to 2NE1
I just dont like seeing them
boring and boring and boring
And rumours has it that 4Minute are copying 2NE1
Well
I guess its just the trend of having that kind of songs, music videos and fashion now
Chill will ya?
Antis?
Good luck on despising them
:)
Like ive said
I dont despise 2NE1
I just dont like them
dislike is not hate which is equal to being an anti to it

Well
Shak
Im making history for you
Like you said it
:)))

Thanks to hizan for the song that ive mixed
stupid laptop cannot save it
And i have to send everything to hizan just for her to save it
-_-"
Sorry for the trouble and thanks again!

Its been sometime since i had a war
in any sort of way
and thanks to that psycho for making me doing these again
thanks
you deserve it

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-06-17T20:09:00.002+08:00

I was on leave on the 16th

I forgot all about syu’s birthday on the 15th

Im on MC today

Very much thanks to diarrhoea

I read zarinah’s blog ytd

And I saw trouble again

Guess, im lucky enough to avoid it

I just hope my temper wont burst for this month

Im all set up for things in July

After that, I can let my temper go on and on and on

Zarinah, you know who and you know what

So far it seems, we share the same thinking about this situation

And so far it seems, im beginning to avoid talking to many people already

I was very angry on the 16th when I met Hizan in the evening for awhile

Very angry with everything

She just said I have to work harder

What do I do now?!

Every thing that ive strived for, everything that ive tried to make time for, everything that ive thought for, its all not working!

It has been like this for so long and im really frustrated

EXTREMELY FRUSTRATED!

What now huh?

I told Hizan

“I guess God just don’t want me to achieve that ambition of mine didn’t he?”

I cant say im angry at God coz im not

Im just so frustrated why I cant tolerate this?

Why cant I just find an alternative way to get this done?!

Huh?!

Why?!

Ive done everything

And when im on the move

Someone, like my brother would piss me off

Or rather, spoil everything

Sometimes its just me

2 days ago

I wasn’t pissed of him about this, but about him making me wait for hours to follow me to see Hizan

WTF

Was I pissed?!

But seriously, speaking of my ambitions

I just want to rot here afterall

One after another

Im just too tired

And i cant stand mother having to over protect me

I dunno why

I appreciate the concern i have now than before

For the bad side of possibilities for the reasons, maybe because im already working and supporting her now

But not much

Im just too much of an amateur for this

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

Kim Hyun Ah is in 4Minutes which i still cant accept. -_-"

2009-06-15T19:06:00.003+08:00

Anita has been very angry with Rui Ping
Mistakes on Friday and Saturday consecutively.
She told me and partner in a way thats shes not fired up
"Im very angry now"
But still smiling
Well, its obvious that shes holding back the anger lor

And about Sally that day
haizz

Aku ngan zarinah pon ckp
Tu dua budak yg baru pon buat kita geram
Aku ckp mcm drg nk mengajar kita
you see, kita lebih kenal dengan anak murid kita dari dorang dua
aku tahu la drg lagi tua dari aku tapi sama umur ngan zarinah
Tapi, kalau zarinah rasa terkilan, aper lagi aku kan?
Betol la
tak semestinyer kau da pernah keje kat tpt lain yg tkde kene mengene ngan mengajar kanak2, kau boleh pijak kepaler kita
Tak semestinyer kau lagi tua dari aku, kau boleh nk mengajar aku sana sini
Im still your 산배님..
Kedebak kedebuk, kau buat salah, aku pon boleh kene blame psl aku tk ajar kau
Beh nk mengajar kita
Ok, go ahead
sukati krg
pape, aku boleh paitau kau rabak2

you dunno how much of a hypocrite i can be
Im extremely good at lying
Not something to be proud of
but im serious about this
you dont trigger me, i wont destroy you
simple as ABC
(ABC, is as easy as 123)
sial...HAHAHA!

Didnt noe sidney sheldon is still writing
Or is my student just slow to buy the book?
HAHAHA!
What to do
Its sidney sheldon!
Older sisters has been saying that she is not writing anymore
hmm...
entahla
dont know dont care
gt the book, jgn byk songeh, baca jek

Stupid PUMA Marina asked my younger brother to work on his off day today
We've got plans and these happens?!
Shit ass
whoever that person that my brother has to replace, hope you will repay this man!
Ruin my plans too ok!
If its isnt my problem, then i wont care
Coz i would always say, "Not my problem"

I said that to anga about her case
And she was like
"WTH!Im your fucking sister!"
shes not angry
in a joking manner, i too said
"Yeah, you're the fucking one"
HAHAHHAHA!!
get it get it?
nvm

Ive got alot to say in this blog
As you know
Ive got many topics to talk about or write about
By nature, im a talkative person
Just that i dont talk much to Anita and some other collegues of mine
If i dont feel that im close to them, i wont
but to zarinah
im close to her and i dont care what i talk about whenever im around her
she too
That crazy bitch
HAHHAHA!

Well
excursion this friday
tmr im on leave
like so yay
(I sound like an american)
NO!!!
hahahaha!!

I might update again later
Coz its Hussein's a.k.a Saint a.k.a Masood 21st birthday tmr
Yeah, that pak mat tempeh

ok bye

Now i walk this street like a stranger in my hometown

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-06-15T18:19:00.002+08:00

Shak updated her blog right?
Soo....
I got to know about this new girl group names 4Minutes
Okay, they looked better than 2NE1
Like the pissed shak, she kept saying, "YET, again another girl group"
Theres alot coming these days
Like every company is on strike!
LOL

Well
I was greatly astonished to find out that
Kim Hyun Ah, ex wondergirl, who sang alongside with WG for the song Irony, is their leader
4Minutes leader
Wait, i thought you left WG bcecause of your illness?
So...
Whats this?
But anyway, i guess they would be catching up fast
(Which my eyes are really twitching now)
Heres their teaser video

And twinny's back home!!!!
hahahha!

Ok bye

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

I dont like this

2009-06-13T15:37:00.002+08:00

You call this cheap?!
(I just thought of that phrase)

Yesterday
Work was a bust!
I mean, after 4 pm
Havoc here and there
Zarinah was pissed
And when shes out for her duty, im alone to watch out for Rui Ping and Sarah
Dont talk about Yvonne in this matter

Yes, i was pissed
But Zarinah, being short fused, was more furious than me
I only have a bad temper, if i can still control, i control
Its different from short fused

Anita messaged all of us about it
And i saw one part
"....and Siti byright on mc today but still have to take care of alot of classes...."
Yar, i took mc
But i came to work coz no one would be taking care of my kids
And i ended up taking care of someone else's kids and mine at the same time
Not that i cant
I just figured since theres one teacher in one class after 4pm
Combine them together
And since im helping Zarinah taking care of her class by combining with mine
I can still take it no matter how i cant raise my voice at all
I just hit the table with the stick
:)
But i suggested to the p1 teacher to combine with mine since theres a few p4
coz at first i said cant coz thought p4 is already too much for me
but when zarinah got out, p4 was with me already and they behave very well
And so, i asked if she want to combine
I wouldnt ask if its troublesome for me
Got rejected
Thats when yvonne asked me if p1 really can handle
I said, "Im not taking care of them. i dunno"

Yeah

aiya, until now also dunno Zarinah very short fused meh?
Its very obvious
If dont do mistakes then ok already
She also makes mistakes la
But dont make mistakes after help is being offered
Thats my one short fused collegue
She reminds me of my old me
:)

Enough of ytd
Just now went to work
Then late will have malay tuition

And hizan is already in camp
Will miss you crazy ass!
lol

And i'll be overseas in july
-_-"
She will miss me when i miss her now
MUKA TEMBOK!
hahaha!

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-06-11T22:52:00.002+08:00

Sophia Sophia
Im burning Im burning
Its a fire a fire
I cannot put out

Its a fire i cannot put out anyway
hmm...

Chalet planning has been out of hand with politics here and there
Anytime, i can just push everything aside and have everyone to just follow out of their own will
I really dont have time for amendments to payment plan
I really dont wanna entertain my eldest sister's nonsense
She provokes me everyday and i can just ignore it
But its annoying of course

Anita asked if ive watched F4 on tv
a.k.a Kkotboda Namja (Flower boys)
I said, ive watched it long ago and it ended like 2 months ago i presume
It started last year la so yar
She want me to burn it all for her so she can watch easily anytime shes free
haha!
yelah, sukati kamu

This June working with Zarinah and Ainee has been a bliss
I like working with them
Not being racist
But i actually did reflect on why these always happen when i was otw to work this morning
And i figured, our own language has our own lingos
and the ones that we always use while using our mother language, it cant be translated to english
get it?
But i still get along with other people who's not my race
We are still humans mah
I dont mind one

So if working with Ainee and Zarinah
We have our own lingos that we can understand and even some other malays cant
Its a way to communicate within ourselves

and no doubt, i taught partner malay and she taught me chinese
I know how to say very good in chinese
Ive been hearing Minmin saying it and knows what it means
But i dunno exactly on how to say it
hehe!

Btw, buddy has been having a relationship all these years
Yes
Its his slippers
-_-"

Yelah,aku paham
Mak aku buang bantal favourite aku pon aku merajok ngan mak aku dulu
ahahaha

부구십븐데 buddy

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

Its the science of the soul

2009-06-08T22:02:00.004+08:00

아이러니 말돟 안드애
아이러니 말돟 안드애
아이러니 말돟 안드애
Irony It doesn't make sense
Irony It doesn't make sense
Irony It doesn't make sense

Theres nothing i can blog about actually
Saturday working at 7am till 10am
hmm..
I really wonder why ppl put me last in good things but first in bad
First the be blamed
Last to be regarded as one of them
Like brother for instance, he would always see first if he got something on, on the day i needed his help
dont forget, some friends too
nvm la, up to them la
nt my problem la
I know, sometimes, its just me being too paranoid
-_-"
No need to tell me, i know
:)

Btw, Clan, payment are to be made by wednesday
No money no honey
Ive paid and i guess im the first
-_-"
Like wthell
I really need to get updates from Nana

Guess i would take leave on 10th July
To go pasir ris then dont sleep for the whole night or what la
Then go straight to work the next day
Yala, of course bathe first la bodoh!
Anita wants me to be in the 7am shift
But ive yet to confirm that
Coz if 7am, i can leave earlier if we were to stay up all night uh
Anita said because i can speak to the parents better
Entah benar ke tidak
hahaha!
sial jek
alah, sukati korang la
Asal suka, aku tk pasal uh

Im going all out for this ambition now
And brother is not co-operating right now
All he thinks of are hanging out and waste money
thats all he knows la!
Cibai, tu baru namanyer angan2 bodoh!
banyak kau nyer nk work hard!
Pi cium pantat baboon dulu baru aku percaya

Enough of vulgarities
I just wanna say that im happy to be in charge of P2s
If it were to be P3s, with my temper?
I can, they will be my punching bag la
No problem
But sometimes, i just dont wanna bother
Like this one girl Joscia
Always lying and its obvious and shes not good in covering it all up
Dream on la
I lied better than you
I was like
"You think i dunno how P3s are like uh? You think im dumb uh?"

I am now very harsh in my words
I need to watch it
P2s are kids who get influenced easily
They may be heaven but they are needed to be watched all the time
One bad influence comes, all of them become one

Like i have trained them to stop at the junction before washing their hands
Partner has put a stop to that without me knowing it
-_-"
I know la she wants everything to be fast
FOR HER to be exact
But if we dont get these kids to follow these simple instructions
You expect them to listen to us uh?
I did that to prevent havoc in the canteen with them running around with some others elsewhere
At least when they are there, i can make sure everyone is there and wash their hands together
I dont want them to be like P1s being so chaotic here n there
Guess im telling her that tmr

Like anita said, anything you not happy, you tell
At least you did something

Ok bye

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-06-07T00:37:00.010+08:00

Zati's 19th Birthday Bash
Met aina in woodlands to buy the present
We didnt tell her but it was aina's idea to celebrate
Its great
hehe!
Bought the present and at first they wanna go to town
Of all places, i despise town
I really hate that place
And so i thought of going swensen to eat
But CWP's is always crowded
So, i decided to go to airport's
So we did
Met Zati
Long ride in the 858 bus
Reached T3
I heard ppl say that T3 is fun and nice
But its damn boring lor
Worst than T1&T2
Like my younger sister saying that T3 is fun
hahaha!
Something's wrong with your eyes sis
haha!

Well...
Found swensens at T2
Zati was shocked
She thought we're going to popeye
Then i go ATM, she and Karl confidently going to popeye until i stopped them
I told zati
"You dont do anything, just follow"
hahaha!
she was like
"chey...fierce ar"
LOL

Karl was pulling Zati aback when we're at swensens coz i think he said its expensive
I know that
Zati was taken aback too until i said
"dont need to worry la. you're nt taking out a single cent"
Wah, member dengan pantasnya tros masok
HAAHA!

Gt our seats and food
Sorry for not sharing the food but i'll let you devour on the photos ok?
The present was from me and Aina
The meal too!
hehe!
Eventhough mine is the cheapest, i just let it off by dividing the cost into 2
:)
Im nt that cheapskate
-_-"
And if you realize, my dishes are wiped clean
Including the bubble tea
Not even one pearl or the drink itself
hahahah!
I forgot what Zati called me but its funny
And i always finish my dish/drink first
HAHAHHA!
the last to get but the first to finish
The last to get my baked rice
The last to eat
The first to finish
The first to get my desert
The last to eat it
The first to finish
The first to poke the straw into my bubble tea
The last to drink it
The first to finish it
HAHAHAHA!!
Had a fun time the whole day
And Karl said
"Siallah. Im with you guys also can go crazy sia"
hahaha!
nw then you know meh?
We all chatted alot
Old friends
Stick together

Mine

Mine
Told you its wipe clean

Mine (top and bottom)

Mine
:))))

The present from me and aina

The small rabbit is from Karl

Each a CUP
The green apple is mine.
But didnt get the picture of it being wiped clean
HAHAHA!

Ok Bye

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-06-06T00:23:00.002+08:00

I should nt be criticising and talking about topics in my blog all the time
It does gets boring
And when i type on my keyboard, my fingertips feel numb
....-_-"....

Whatever it is
P4 student Goon Teng is pissing me off like crazy!
My japanese name is SakuraMayumi
and Terra has been calling me that
And just now Dexi said
"Sakura? wheres that stupid sakura?"
I just stared at him
Im really pissed
Seriously has no respect la these kids
Cibai

Dont until one day i would really lose my temper on them ar
And of course im fine with ppl criticising me
But my students?
Not exactly mine but zarinah's and anita's
Cibai
You kids are pissing me off
I tolerated it everyday
And please, i dont wanna scold them la ehh
They were always like
"Teacher Siti mati"
Because it ryhmes
this goon teng and dexi
Too much already!

I kicked a chair towards my kid just now
Too much already
this is the second time
First was not too much
And i accidentally kicked using my leg above the ankle
Its swollen but i dont give a fuck ar
Yes, everyone is silent
And when im not around, i found out that my kids are really going over the top
Going to buy drinks without permission
Going out of formation or class anyhow they want it to be
Why?
Everything must have me around then can behave ar?!
I was screaming at them just now
Just looked down and kept quiet
When i kicked the chair, all were silent
And when im really angry
I would say words like, shut up, shut your mouth, get out instead of, be quiet,zip your mouth,go outside.
I told them that they are not allowed to say those words when i heard them saying it
i explained that i said that when im really angry so that they know
If i cant control my anger, i would say harsh words

I should stop that you know
hmm...

I dunno how to say these
But i remembered when i was on duty taking temperatures at the security post
Zarinah took care of my class
She said, "I took care of your class. When i leave for awhile, theres alot of noises and everyone was off their seats. When i came inside, i said, 'i tell teacher siti ar!', all of them keep quiet"
She told me in malay
Shocked of course
I didnt know that they might think im a monster
Im always in a bad mood
My temper is really bad
And i bet i would somehow blow up to any of my collegues if ive reached my limit
Its a habit i cant change
hmm..

Well, maybe i can.
MAYBE

Even the new teacher, Sarah said, "Your class very well behaved ar?I like man"
Yes, they are, when im around!
Because i will know whatever they do mah
I dunno abt yanying but i never heard any complains before from her.
yanying is my partner, so if she can tolerate, she wont complain la
Even anita said my class is the heaven class
They are the most well behaved la
i can tolerate

Amos, he knows how to talk back now
But he dont dare to talk back to me but only to my partner
Ive seen it lor

Haiya...
When anita take care of my class, im very free
ahahha!!
All the students are afraid of her
not exactly afraid, more to obedient to her
Experienced mah
Seriously, im really carefree if i found out shes taking care of my class awhile
ehehhee!

not difficult to handle them
but can get irritated easily

And i wish good luck to rui ping for the next 3 weeks before she leaves
P1s are a pain in da ass, for sure
But if i can control, so can you!
aja!
You need some accomplishments before you leave man!
seriously
Well, once she leaves, i will be the youngest
ONCE AGAIN
-_-"

Nvm, i dont wanna screw up
And i realize that ive not been talking while having a meeting or discussion
I seriously just dont say a word

Well, tmr maybe meeting aina n zati
and i need to go back to school to pass some documents
sian

And also
I just remembered
When i told my kids that i would be on leave on the 16th
All of them were sulking "haaaaaaa................"
Face no expression
Inside, i was smiling WIDELYYY!!!
no
WIDELEEEAAAHHHH!!!
hhahaha!

Ok bye

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

Work has been moderately a disaster

2009-06-04T22:13:00.005+08:00

Torn by me hitting the metal ruler against it

Inside got fries,so handle with care.
Iyan, its not what you think it is

Lets make chic staircases with small pokemon magnets!

Dont forget the bridge everyone!
Those magnets so dont belong to me.
HAHA!

*looks left right back front*
Oh hello!
(So fake)

I suspect someone has been sucking up to someone to get me off the charts
And i have not been sucking up to someone to get me off the hook
What for?
I dont wanna show that i can live up to that person's expectations by faking it...
rightt??
haha

Because at first person A agrees with my proposal
Suddenly this person A disagrees
A few minutes later after i discuss with person B
So
who's trying to get me off the charts?
Person B

I actually just dont mind every dumb thing that person B does
But sometimes i cannot tolerate
My patience has limitations
So please, dont make it any lower
okay?
If you are going to act like insolent kids
By all means
Just make sure
I dont end up doing i should not be doing to you
And disgrace you in front of many and left them questioning you which you have no answer to it
Im capable of doing that
Its nt difficult at all
If you can be a hypocrite, im far better than you
:)

Work has been moderately a disaster
Its only thursday today yet i felt so drained
haiyer
Would be on leave on the 16th,tuesday
Need to settle some stuffs
Tmr partner would be on leave
I need to take over her and go on the afternoon shift instead of the morning
And i think back
And ive told zarinah n yanying
tmr there would be 5 ppl in the afternoon shift if i were also in the afternoon shift and 3 in the morning shift
Might as well i stayed morning what
I go afternoon also take care of the kids go outdoor what
Sarah can do it mah...
hmm...
Yanying asked me to tell anita but i thought, no need la. since ive said yes
Anyway i have no plans other than sleeping till the next day right after work
-_-"
Zarinah said
"You gundu la! Just now dont wanna tell"
yala yala
i gundu la
but seriously, its fine
only that im sad coz i cant sleep all i want already
but nvm
nvm
hahahaha!

Saturday not working mah
Still can sleep like crazy
HAHAHHA!!

Games day planning has been going crazy
Im going nuts
Yvonne is always busy
And we work different shifts
Difficult le!
Aiya, will find a way

And i just found two scratches on my hp this morning
I was like, FUCK!
You know ar i wanna sell you off soon then you show attitude ar!
Want to get punished isit?!

ok bye

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-06-03T22:29:00.002+08:00

Im not gonna talk about my siblings because its the same
Ive written it here before about someone i rarely listen to

Ok
Except the fact that i never talk to Anga for days already
-_-"

News
Ridardo Kaka left AC Milan and went to Real Madrid
Ok
Aku sedih
Aku emo
TIDAK!

Well, the transfer is not officially confirmed
But theres a high chance that he would join real madrid
oh my Kaka!
dont make me confused
I was chatting with Abang just now and yes, both of us are kinda disappointed
Seriously
Abang likes Nesta then Kaka
I liked Kaka then Nesta
In either way, Kaka should not leave Milan!

But Abang said
"In case its already official, we support Real Madrid because of Kaka. But will still support Milan first"
Ok best
AC Milan stays
But i will only support Real Madrid if Kaka is there!
Ish!
Haiya
Still cant get over it
I liked Kaka and Milan for years already
And now hes leaving Milan
Nice Move...... NOT!
And i really hope Milan would not sell Kaka
Like they say
"We will lose a champion"
haiyerr!

Btw, for some who dont know
Kaka is not Italian, hes Brazilian
But i dont support Brazil but Italy
Coz i like Rome countries
HAHA!
And having Kaka in Milan is a bonus
Somemore, Milan is from Italy
hahaha!

some of you people, which i know ONE significant person, may say that i follow my brother
Yes, i am
But in case you dont know
which im sure of it
Abang introduced me to soccer when i was a kid
But i have no favourites
I just watch with him until i watched Milan with Nesta in it
In the year 2000?
Somewhere there!
I cant remember!
I began to really liked Milan because of Kaka
I began to like Nesta because of my brother
I began to like Italy, because of Milan
Understand?
HAHAHHA!

come criticize me saying that im a wannabe
Im a noob in playing soccer, duh!
Yet, i can still play noobly with my brothers and friends
and of course
Its not wrong to like soccer but dunno hw to play it or know the rules
If you're willing to learn about it, theres no problem
Unless you go around criticising others about their knowledge on soccer when you yourself is no better
Of course i did that before
When he started critising me first!
You immature piece of junk
Go upgrade yourself first la k

I was childish to fight back
In a nice way
But seriously
You understand simple english ar?
I talk about other things
He talk about other things
Thats just plain stupid

Im just abit worked up with my collegue these days
Not my partner
Me and yanying are good partners already
Only the some things that she show off too much
I know you've worked before
But please
I did too
In some sort, i feel for my woman friend(Zarinah)
hmm...
In some sort too, I miss Eileen!
My ex collegue(not sure of spelling)
SERIOUSLY!

Sunday meeting nana
I hope she has no last minutes
And im bidding goodbye to my 5800 soon
HEHEHHE!!
SOON IYAN, SOON!
Maybe in August or something
I dont want the first batch
At least the second batch
(Iyan n Nana n Kak Epet should know what phone ive been waiting for)
Ok
I need to snore

Bye

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

June is a nono for me

2009-06-02T19:09:00.002+08:00

My playlist depends on my mood
So
This is Irony by Wonder Girls
Its their old song in 2007 when Hyuna is still around
Easy said, its the debut song in the debut mini-album
hehehe!!

No mood for new songs to be the first one like insomnia by wheesung (NOT craig david)
hmm...
thats somehow new lor

Yanying randomly just said to me just now
"I see you really like Puma ar"
I smiled and nodded
She asked if i liked Nike
And i said no
I also told her that i like rome countries like Italy (of course)
But i have a thing where i dont like America
I dont like americans
I may be offensive here
But a blog is a blog
I can choose to not refrain my thoughts
araso?
Even all those bands and singers that i liked before
Its their songs that i liked
But in general, i just dont like America
seriously
hmm...

theres always a back up plan
But i have a backup interest too
So, while i was liking those rock songs
I also like japanese stuffs
After awhile, korean
Only those two cultures, are the ones that i have interest in and am learning it
But america?
noway hosey
I noe nuts about their lingo
I rarely use them
I noe when i know
I will know when ppl tell me
hehe
If not, i wont noe
I dont bother to find out anyway
hehe

Well
these 2 days has been tiring
Yes, only 2 days
It felt like weeks!
fine
bear with it
Saturday and sunday comes
I will sleep my way to monday
hehehe!

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

And the alarm will be ringing at 5am in the morning

2009-06-01T22:32:00.004+08:00

Tell me
Isit cool or stylish for you to tell everyone that you smoke or drink or whatever bad things you do?
do you earn respect from others?
Tell you what
Only kids do that
Come and compare to my 8 year olds
Got new things, show off
Bullied others, show off

For my case
I only tell when they asked
And i would only answer with one word
No more elaboration
You dont ask, you dont know
You know then you know
Whats the big deal right?
ahahhaa!!

dont get offended if you do
I write everything that i thought of inside my blog
hmmm...
I am lying if its this blog
I have another blog
Go find lor if you wanna find out more
which i doubt you would
Coz, who cares?
hahaha!

I was teasing twin just now
Since she has stopped playing pet society and ive just started playing mine again after creating one and ignoring it
I asked if she can give me all her money
she said yes
Logged into her account
And her money was bloody LITTLE LA!
thats why she let me have it all
-_-"
Of course cannot give money right?
So i bought things for myself and send everything to my pet
hahaha!

And i did asked her if i can take all of the furnitures
She was like, "You're like a house robber sia!!"
ahahhaa!!
Kiasu mah
Greedy
Since you left that pet abandoned, how bout i polish it for you?
HAHAHA!
She asked me to feed,bathe and make her pet happy
Coz she said she would be happy if she sees her pet being happy
And so i did
After a while i said
"I will make your pet happy with an empty house!"
She was laughing like crazy and even talked about it inside her LJ.
-_-"
Crazy woman
hahaha!
Actually, im the one
Planning to wipe out her house CLEAN
hahhahha!!

Thought of taking the bed but i thought her pet wanna sleep on it
And just after that, she told me not to take it coz her sister gave it to her
ok, just nice
I took one of her couch
Bought a table and foods and send everything to me
HAHAHAHA!!

So twin
I didnt wipe your house clean
:)
So dont worry
I cant imagine if your pet were to be smiling with an empty house
With that stoin face of your pet
HAHAHAH!!

Well
Back to topic
Isit cool or stylish for you to tell everyone that you smoke or drink or whatever bad things you do?
Isit?

:)

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

Such random notes. Im being so not delighted these days

2009-06-01T19:07:00.004+08:00

First
HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY TO ZATI!
a.k.a giler green girl (GGG)
(right in the photo)

A friend since we were 13.
Till now
Ive wished her earlier on
And now its the blog.

Its the June holidays
And its not good
Proof
I,Siti,Recited
"I hate june i hate june i hate june"
In front of my students

Because
I have to work full shift
And my costs of spending will expand
Yes
Expand
Yes
Expand
No
Not contract
Yes
Expand
Understand?

I slept for only 3 hours because i gotta get used to waking up at 5am for this month and i so cant
My sleeping time is all over the place
And im all over the place
And i bet my brain is too

I ended up being extremely sleepy while marking
But i hold it in
Good thing my students fought with each other
It made me active for that time until i got home
hahaha!
Ok, its nt good for them to fight
But i did thank them for that
hehe

Ate, played scrabble
Halfway, i fell asleep
While waiting for dad to finish using the laptop, i fell asleep beside him
I have to wash my face!
Ok la

Bye

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-05-30T19:40:00.002+08:00

Ive got a plan
And yes of course
Twin noes this very well
Most of my plans dont work out if i were to have it done with somebody else
It would only work if its me alone
-_-"
Guess, i cant expect others to be like me

Phone conversation
KeeTee said im the one who always the talking
Im always the one with many novel-like stories inside my brain
Then, i forgot halfway
hehe
And of course others have too
But someone always say that im always being random when ive got nothing to say
you know who you are
ADMIT IT!
hahahahhaa!!
Like i would sing in a barney song tone
But the lyrics is
"Ive got....
Nothing to say
My mind is totally blank
With a great big bang
and my thoughts are just blown away
Please talk to me
About another topic..."

I can become a composer already
Well, thats the only random song i remembered
I dunno about others
But twin always hear me doing those kinda things
Coz shes always on the phone with me
HAHAHHAHA!

Outside
Twin take it as if im the one who would always fight back

And alot more things la
For now, theres no one that would sing random dumb songs to me while being on the phone
Im always expecting it but i ended up doing it instead
hahaha!

fine!
Back to plan

Since i always have the thought that i will never ever get my dreams
Im just doing something near to it
This time, im gonna force my younger brother
Like hell, i MUST!
I know twin wants me to do it alone because things happened last time with younger brother
fights and quarrels
hehe
Siblings mah
So, watch out for it
Which i doubt you would be able to
Unless i let you see
HAHAHA!

About the clan gathering
Kakak kept budging on having a normal bbq instead of chalet because its cheaper
But think of the consequences can anot kakak?
You want to save money and willing to sacrifice other things?
she said can bring tent
But if it rains, the water can seep it no matter what you try
If it were to be heavy rain ar
With thunderstorms?!
Hide inside the tent?
Its not safe kakak
even if you're not staying for long, what about the others?
There would be wawa,aqsaa and other kids around
C'mon la
Stop thinking about money all the time can anot?
Chalet at least, if tired and just go sleep and have the luxury of going to the toilet without walking so far
If bladder to high already how?
haiya
Clan, consider this
I really want the chalet
If dont wanna stay, we are not stopping you
Also, we are asking you to leave right?
About costs, if kakak still want to fight for it
Of a few bucks, she can pay little while the rest of us pay equally
How bout it?
even some of us are saving like mad for this because its a reunion

think la
This dont happen every year
Its happened once in a blue moon

Tell me
When was the last time we had a gathering like this?
12 years ago?
haiya

And kakak wants me and nana to organise
but with her budging and 'suggesting' like this
I cant help it but to burst already
How bout you take charge?
It would be better
Ive got a lot of things to think of
And you may think its trivial
But its the extreme to me
Because you dunno what i want in life
Im always at the losing end when i wanna fight for what i want
for instance
i didnt want to go into rp and i want to go to private and im willing to take the burden on finding the money to pay it myself
but you disagree
And when i rebelled and withdraw
you're unhappy about it
Father kept bringing it up
He just cannot shut up
And im not allowed to have my say even in a polite tone
Might as well i dont have a soul
I will be your robot
ok?
You can say its advising
But i see clearer coz its happening to me
Its forcing
And now, im fighting for what i really want
And it has got nothing to do with education
Not only education can bring you far
You should noe that
You cant force ppl to study when they dont want to
And whatever thoughts i have in mind
You wont know and i wont tell
Because you wouldn't understand it and criticise me instead
I noe it
its obvious
you dont like that one kind of dream/ambition
but too bad, im having it in my mind now
And dont try to stop me
You cant
you just cant

You have criticised me alot last time
going against all my wants
And i have to beg for it?!
I hate it so much that every word you said in the past
Stays alive inside my head now
Even though we are ok with each other
It doesnt put aside the fact that i dont want you to know what i want
Simply, i dont want to entertain your criticisms and 'advises' that sounds like nagging to me
Like you said
"People judge us better than ourselves"
too bad
i know myself because i kept forcing my friends to tell me what kind of person i am
What mistakes i have made
And they are honest enough to say that i have a very bad temper and im not a nice person by nature
Do you know that?
I doubt so
And i always thought that im helpful
Turns out, i found out that its neutral
People did help me too
I learn
And of course, you've help me too
But i guess i put it aside years ago
Not that i didnt remember any of it
BUT, i just dont put it to use now
Because its not useful and it doesnt match my mindset
Thats me
Thats just your sister

Why am i talking about this anyway?!

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-05-30T00:52:00.002+08:00

Its nothing big anyway
I dont mind if people were to dislike me now
Because i know who i am

Tmr going to work at 10am
Partner would be there at 7am
Now, have to teach the kids already on saturday
I mean, usually most of them just watch tv and play
And some of them are being taught
But now, its all of them

And the p4 boys sometimes just piss me off
Like TeSi (isit the correct spelling zarinah?), he referred Goon Teng (another p4 boy) as my boyfriend
I ignore la
Because, i dont want to blow up just because of this trivial matter
Unless its to the extent like Alif attempting to trip me
That time, i lose my temper on him

I ignored them whenever they called for me
Seriously, stop your crap la
Like zarinah said, they are somewhat used to scoldings
If Anita scold they still liddat, what about me right?

hmm..
Regarding the excursion
Jacinda (another p4;girl), told me that Goon Teng wants to be in my group
Theres groups for excursion for the teachers to take care of.
Why Goon Teng wants to be in my group?
Because Jacinda says he wants to bully me
Zarinah noes abt it too because Goon Teng told her straight. (kan?)
Zarinah told me and also, she told me what she replied to Goon Teng
Something like, "Ok la. We see who die first. You think teacher Siti can be bullied ar?"
hahahaha!
Its true la
Doesnt mean i shut up, i approve what
Everyone who get rude students like Goon Teng would be sure be pissed off
Its just the matter of when
hmm...

Btw, I called Goon Teng scissors
Because it sounds the same as Gunting in malay that means scissors
hahahahhaha!!

Tell you
I prefer Ryan and Hafiz
-_-"

Ryan was being random to me
He just came up to me and said
"Wah, i got heart attack"
-____________________-"

To criticise them on being rude
I cant do it alot actually
Because, now then i feel what my teacher felt!
I was not a goody two shoes like my students
But im better than these p4 boys la
I dont call my teacher names
:)

Im just stressing up about this list and the games for games day
What games can be played sia?!
I totally am blank about it now
And the last book that i have to finish
C'mon
Last one already!!

Going to mama's house after work tmr to meet nana
Regarding the chalet thing lor
I dunno la
Chalet or Bbq
Ive had enough of bbq la actually
Its kinda boring without a chalet
hmm...
And to bring tents along?!
hahahaha!!
tk boleh angkat!
With my current condition?
Id rather go home late then to stay

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

Twin accompanied me to the doctor and said i think too much thats why i got insomnia

2009-05-28T21:38:00.004+08:00

Meeting with Zati and bf and Aina

Random drawing in class

My kids

Out with 1st/2nd Sis, Bro in Law and Rayyan To Bedok

Zarinah's 21st Birthday

Find the error

With Twin

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

whatever spelling mistakes here, i dont care coz i didnt check

2009-05-28T21:06:00.002+08:00

Btw
Man U lost to barcelona this morning
Insomnia gets me frustrated
Sleepless two nights and ive had enough already!
go doctor to give me something so i can sleep
Headache is driving me nuts!

Im not gonna talk about the debate i had about Man U
whatever
I just hate when someone misjudged me
Worst, its someone that knows u for a long time
and worst, that person thinks hes matured than me to pin me down.
Cmon, we think differently
And from what i can see, your reactions are that of a kid who just got to know of something
SERIOUSLY
Dont like 30 year old, i give you 19 lor.
Still dont like?
I give you 14 year old!
hows it?
Stop exagerating and start taking in advice
sometimes, when u complain abt ppl not liking you
Its because you think you're always right and refuse to know your mistakes
And even when ppl did point it out to you
You deny everything
People judge you differently from what you judge yourself
and others can see you clearer than you yourself
You might think you're doing things that prevent bad assumptions
but little did you know
Initiative is needed to find out whether your truth is a fact
Not gonna go in further about this issue
Ive had enough of your nonsense
Well, who start it first?
I just said that i was happy for barcelona and that im sad milan is not around
but you started about the title first
not me
MIND YOU
stop copying my words when your words are not even direct or even logic
MIND YOU
ok?

Ok siti
ENOUGH!

Something happened just now
not gonna put it here
Stupid auntie pisses me off
INSANE sia
think even her dog is sick of her nonsense

Keep calling the police to complain
eh auntie, fushan your father's property ar?!
No respect
I am afraid of dogs and i dont like getting near them according to my religion
Yet you told the police
"dont like dogs then dont come to the park la!"
CIBAI
I WALK PAST ALSO YOU WANT TO SAY THAT!
YOU MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE SHOULD SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND GO BACK TO SCHOOL AND LEARN RESPECT!
YOUR LECTURE DONT WORK ON ME!
Good enough, i screamed at her back when shes defending her dog
Then she go and talk about underage ppl smoking
You go and agitate them for what?
none of your business!
not your kids!
And agitate me somemore
I still want to say more even though ive said alot
I cut your conversation just now
"You want to continue what you're saying or you want to continue your stupid lecture on me?!"

im being rude?!
you're being rude agitating ppl
being a busybody
go have your dog to fuck you woman!
fine

anything its at my other blog
Go find a way to read it

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

Overdue photos

2009-05-28T21:01:00.003+08:00

My attempts to do the seven
But brother is not a good photographer and none of the photos shows that i put up on my hand!
Even though the leg is retarded
hahahaha!!
I was brushing up on it and now, i just dont bother already

2009-05-27T23:27:00.004+08:00

No photos
I might as well upload all the overdue photos in one of the days
But still, it depends if i have the mood or not
And i dont care if the blog is getting boring and plain to you
Its doesnt to me
hehe

Today was Zarinah's birthday
Celebrated it quite late because we were busy looking for books until Anita asked me for the time
Rushed back
Light up the candles
All in a rush
Cut the cake and keep inside the refrigerator
ahaha!
Then during tea break then eat
hmm...

Sometimes when i came to think back
I hardly wants to like or talk to my boss
As i can see, he dont know anything
He just come and shoot you with the things you didnt do
And ended up with more problems

Me and my partner are talking more than before
I have already made the effort on talking alot to her
People who know me will know this
I do better when i do things alone
And i wont do my work with people i dont quite like or prefer
And i cant act to be nice just to bond us together
I just cant
And ive tried so hard these days and still, things happen
Ive just got no more options

What more do you want me to do?
People make mistakes
People also forget once in a while
And i did told my partner, and made it clear, that i asked the students to bring home the booklet and bring it back on monday whilst completing the assesments during the weekends
And yet, the partner says she knows nuts about it
I have made it clear to the class
You were there
You can just listen
Even when you do things and announce things in your mother language
I dont understand a thing
Yet i took the initiative to ask my students
Why cant you?

And about you sleeping in class
Of course i know nuts
Because like i said
If you're not feeling well or anything or need my help
just tell me
I have no problems with that
I even purposely helped the students under your care to teach maths
Even if you dont know about it, at least they dont bug you to teach them and leave you with more work
Of course, i didnt tell you
So, my fault ok?
Whats so difficult that people have to ask you about your well being?
Must i in the first place?
What am i?
Your personal doctor to ask you everytime?
Of course theres human nature where you can depict if that person is not feeling well at all
But assumption kills
And you made me assume
You didnt tell me anything
And i dont see you as not feeling well
Why should i ask?
I would be a dumbass if i did when you're fine
And of course, for people like you
You might misinterpret what i meant
You understand?

i purposely dont wanna say these in front of you
Mind you, i am straight forward but at the same time, i dont want to hurt your feelings
I hate people to assume my good intentions to bad ones
I just hate those
no matter how much i dislike you
I still am concern about your feelings
Im not being good enough?
What more do you want?
Sometimes, you do things, you didnt even tell me
I can accept that you forget because i do too
I have to find out myself most of the time
And i believe i have told you 99% of everything i did and going to do to the students all the time
Again, what more do you want?
You understand anot?

I dont play backstabbing and please dont force me to
I know the meaning of sins too
Backstabbing are for kids and both of us arent
You understand anot?
Its hard to communicate with you without Anita around
Because you would be always cutting my conversations even before i finish my sentence
Then you assume
No wonder zarinah screamed at you before

Im way younger than you but why am i the one taking the initiative to do alot of things for you?
Im just sometimes tired of it that i feel like killing you
I have been nice to you, talk to you alot
That kind of amount that i talked to you is considered alot
I dont talk to people
I may be friendly
but people who knows me know this about me
I most of the time appears to be anti-social
And i talk according to mood
Because i think alot and talk nonsense only to people im close with
But ive already joke,inform,talk to you
Yet these happen

And boss said anita spoon feed us too much
I tell you
if hes gonna make this small misunderstanding bigger and have me gone
I will make sure he gets the same treatment
I am being harsh here
Im not a nice person by nature
but im not unreasonable

this misunderstanding is small and cn be amended easily
Its not only up to my partner, its me too
We're a team
And if she dont wanna co-operate still
I will do my part and if she dont
She has no way to give nuclear to me
Because ive done my part

And of course anita said boss is kind enough to handle our complaints
I appreciate that he also has a good heart
But being bossy?
noway hosey
we're the same
we're human beings
Im not here for a year yet
Ive still got alot to learn
And im willing to
Which part of me said i dont?
If im not willing to learn
I wont be agreeing to anita to talking in class together just now and say everything out
I wont listen to anita at all for instance
I wont respect her if im not willing to learn too
Make sense?

My blog is my thoughts
not everything
But about work, it is
Its just my feelings, my thoughts
I shouldnt be judged this way
Because actions speak louder than words

And if im not willing to learn
I wouldnt do the assesment books
I would just heed my mother's advice on leaving the job

She still bugs me on leaving the job
To find something better
But do you know what i always reply her?
"This job is fine even though the pay is alot lesser than my previous job. (its really alot lesser). I work half day and i can teach my 19 year old student in the morning. Only my partner having problems with me is the only reason why im always stressed and angry at home. But that is not good enough of a reason for me to leave this job"

Because i remembered that Phone Paing want to withdraw because the mother would be in Singapore to take care of him soon
But i told him not to if he likes it here
And do you know what he said?
"Ok, i will leave when you leave"

thats a reason good enough to let me stay
you understand anot?

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-05-26T23:29:00.003+08:00

I did the temperature lists just now
Done!
yay!
hahaha
The printer is driving me nuts
Yay?
Noway Hosey!
Stupid!
Everytime like that
HAIYA!

Rest assured
Its not yours anga

I want to hand it up by tmr
But i only get the Primary ones done
Not my own class of Primary twos
Asses

And the report template havent come yet
So much for must finish by end of the week
How to finish?
Want me to chiong on Thursday night ar?!
Ya la
Later the report also chiong-chang ar
ish

Too much things in my head already

Btw
Tmr is this woman's birthday
And this woman is turning 21
Yes, an adult
And i PURPOSELY chose this photo.
hehehehe!

So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY WOMAN!
She has a name of course
Her name is Nor
HAHAHA!
Dont kill me for this
Its Zarinah
Thats what i call her
But its woman whenever i refer to her in front of her
Get it?
hahaha!
Well
Miss adult Zarinah
May you have a blissful life
Enjoy the part of being 21
Dont waste any part of it
Because if you dont treasure it
Lets change birthdays!
I wanna migrate already!
hehehe...

Okay , take care
And thanks for the common dialogue you have on me
"Ni siti nyer pasal ar!"
Yelah, aku nyer pasal
Ni memang aku nyer pasal
hahahahaa!

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-05-26T00:32:00.003+08:00

Theres something else inside
But now, i just dont wanna bother about what others might want to find out or not
Im just thinking about myself
And i dont bother
I just dont want to bother

Its ur choice
Its you
And this is me
And this me says
"I just wanna bother about myself. About myself. About my dreams. About myself"

Of course
I will still be concern towards my close friends
But unless i feel like i dont bother
I wont
And for twin
Theres no such thing as i dont bother about her
I do
Even though if one day we fought, I will bother to find out why
Unless everything just goes down
I will make sure it will go back up to the way it was

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-05-26T00:10:00.002+08:00

Im just too tired to even think

I have to do the report by end of the week when the template is not even with me
I have to make the temperature lists;P1 n P2
I have to go mess up my own brains to think of games day

But what are the odds?
I havent finish one book!

Well, at least im at abit of an advantage here
The report is another thing
The temperature lists;P1 n P2, Zarinah would have to do more than me!hehehe. Which is for P3,4,5,6...
HEHEHHE!
Im safe...phew~!
Games day, im doing it with Yvonne
Anything, i will tell anita about it and see if we have an agreement

I will be doing these things whilst messing up my brain for the assignment
That book
Yes
That book
That book!
ARGH!!

Enough about it

Just now meeting at 12pm but i reached like 8 minutes later
To be precise, i am very attentive to timing
No matter how much of a latecomer i am
Boss went through alot of things with us
And treated us to KFC
hehehe...

Last time, my supervisor would buy us bubble tea like once in a blue moon
that one also see mood
That one also most of the time we have to pay ourselves.
hehe!
But she treat me to burger before lor
Burger only
Filet

Well, stop comparing
I need to sleep before starting the messing-up-brain mode

Bye

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-05-24T20:06:00.003+08:00

Frankly speaking
I forgot all about the meeting tmr
Yeah, i have to reach work at 12pm for meeting
Lucky my supervisor reminded us all
Alermak, thanks ar!
hahaha!
Or else im dead

Ive been forgetful these days
Too much things to think and i have been uploading information inside my brain that some just got error and its gone
It keeps depleting
This is bad
Extremely bad

And most of it, its uploaded inside my brain, but when i tried to download it
The not related things are downloaded

And judin saw i have a lot of white hair
Its just obvious that im very stress
Im thinking of millions of things
And of course, i cant stop thinking of it
this to do, that to do
Sad to say, i like to do alot of things but if it doesnt pay off
I will be very dissapointed

Doing the assignment now
And anita told me that boss will be ordering KFC for us tmr
For now, i feel like im just dizzy just thinking of it
But dunno for tmr
I dont like KFC that much
Only the mash potato is acceptable
And its only acceptable if i were to re-heat it again and put some other spices inside
KFC is the only fast food restaurant that let me it only abit of them
I will feel that the food would be too boring and i wouldnt continue eating it anymore
or else i'll puke

well
dala

im not gonna mention anything about what i feel about buddy's messages yesterday
because im immune to it
No use getting angry
Its just him

And ytd went to Tampines mall to buy somethings with sister
ended up, just fetch second sister home and go eat at bedok
hmm..
NOT simpang bedok
that place offers tasteless food
haha!
Well, i dunno why
but hilmi was there to send anga to the blocks where we waited for her to fetch her
First sister was teasing saying when anga said hilmi just wanted to send anga off
"Nak angkat kakak ipar mah"
Ah yer!

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-05-24T02:19:00.003+08:00

i never go to town today
not tmr with twin
she got high fever
hmm...
still finding a way
but still, take care twinny..

i feel like putting dbsk ollllld song rising sun here
hahahaha!!
i liked it only now
i used to find it boring
lol
until i saw their live performance and i go
"not bad..."
hahaha!

that song was like yearrrrsss ago!

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-05-23T00:43:00.003+08:00

I was doing my assignment then i decided to stop
My brain is too tired
All from the shouting, screaming, disciplining, mental torture, emotion torture and alot more

7 more exercise to finish also kiasu
have to mah
I cant continue or else...
all the crap is written
then boss will scream at me
haiya...
he said he would be checking everything i wrote
but till now, none of the results are known
ermm....
i dunno la

hes 35 yet he looks like 40 plus going to 50
even my supervisor looked wayyyy younger
hmm...
just imagine!

i forgot to update about this but for zarinah's case
When i was helping anita bringing the P4s for tea break (im lucky that the P5 and P6 arent around...or else....you know la. my temper confirm burst like crazy), i saw anita tearing...
I got what she want me to do la but i was too shocked to see her in that condition
Then when reached the canteen, she told me everything
Yes, saddening

Imagine, you care for that child, look after them, take care of them and make sure they are not offended by your actions and end up, they complain about you saying you were doing all the things that you didnt
Anita got that and so of course, i felt devastated
Coz from what i can see, im far worst than her
I dont speak nicely to the kids most of the time
I would end up losing my temper all the time
but sometimes, when i compare my kids to hers, hers is worst and yet, she can be patient
And my kids noe my ways already.
And of course she would break down when the kids did this to her lor
who wont?

Ive got something to say actually
These....
When something was not suppose to happen, happens
When you expect the unexpected, the unexpected didnt even occur
When you are not expecting anything, things happen
When you are expecting something, rarely something happens
When you worked hard for something, theres nothing that you gain
When you just dont want that something, you end up getting it
When you have set all your goals in proper order, it becomes messy
When you planned everything, your plan ended up as thrash
When you need to say something, theres nothing that you can say
When you treasure something or someone, that someone just dont regard you as one
When you help yourself, you are not satisfied
When you help someone else, you are not appreciated and get nothing in return
When you balance both, nothing interesting came
When you dont care, you ended up caring more
When you chase for something, it doesnt run away but dissappear when you're nearing

All hopes are gone
Demolished just like that

haiyerr!!
I have this one particular one that i thought of actually
But it dissappears
When you want to jot something down, it vanished

fishcake

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-05-22T22:32:00.002+08:00

Yesterday buddy is hesitating on saying something to me
In the end, i just log off
He said, "eh"
Then he said, "nevermind"
I dont like people to talk halfway mah...
Stop making me curious la
haiyer

Enough about that
Just that, buddy
If you wanna tell or ask me anything, just do it
Im no stranger to you what
And of course, i can accept it mah
If not, there would be this one time we actually fought what
But theres none

Why am i so stubborn?
I said enough about it, means enough la!

Fast forward!
Zarinah and Yvonne is on MC today
I know zarinah took mc today coz she told me
But yvonne also
people get sick frequently
Like my student

One after another
And one, till now, after 3 days, his temperature havent lowered down yet

There will be an excursion on 19th June
Yayness
And i realized, its 19th again
Last year also 19th
Standard date ar?
haha!
I asked anita on where we're going
I remembered its, animal farm, crocodile farm,animal resort (?), pasir ris park and some other place?
All in one day
I can assure you
I would be more shagged than before
Last time go to escape theme park on a friday, me and zarinah had been very tired and were still tired until Monday.
What about this?
HAHAHA!

I heard there will be cycling at pasir ris
hehehe
YAY!
Its been a long time since i rode on one

Oh yeah
I read buddy's blog
And yes, i pity syuk
Baru dpt lesen da accident
hmm....
Correct me if im wrong

Well,tmr going to paragon with twin
dont start thinking
"Chey, Siti da suka pergi town ke? slalunyer tk suka"
Im going to paragon, town, not to hang out or shop
Im living up to my words
Theres nothing there anyway
Theres nothing interesting i can do at town
Whats more going there to hang?
Id rather go to cwp la.
Nearer to my house somemore
haha!
Seriously
Town got alot of mats and minahs
And only at the sight of them
Im feeling nauseous

At least cwp got at least 60% less minahs and mats
hehehe!
Go for discounts!

Im going to paragon to settle my M1 things
I have to return the device and terminate the line
Vodafone
So yar
And till now
I havent start finding the box!
Im dead
hehehehe
LAZY and i actually forgot all about it
HEHEHE!

Once im done with all those things
guess i will find something to entertain myself and went back to woodlands
Where the place is much more familiar to me
HAHAHA!
and i doubt i would find something thats entertaining to me at town lor
Its dull there
SERIOUSLY
Shopping malls shopping malls shopping malls
got no other things than shopping malls
Id rather go Tampines mall
At least Hilmi might be around
hmm...
Speaking of it
I remembered i was planning to go there after going to paragon!
HAHAHA!
Kalau member ader, why not?
At least i can kill time in a good and entertaining way than walk around town look look see see
hehe

And anyway, i dont wanna bump into some people
even that matrep
noway hosey am i gonna entertain him

ok bye

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-05-20T23:15:00.001+08:00

to prevent any criticisms
ive uploaded CSJH's old song on my playlist
Just feel like it.
hehehe
ok bye

2009-05-20T20:31:00.002+08:00

Its always like this
I forgot tmr i have tuition!!!!
Malay tuition for joy lau!
omg...
Why do i always forget about it

I always forget that its thursday the next day
And i only remembered thursday when im at work
And also, i dont remember about the tuition also
shit!

Tell me
Is it wrong for someone to learn another language?
I mean, if you're malay
You cant learn other languages meh?
Like that
Go tell the government to have english only for english people

These motherfuckers really talk without thinking
If you dont learn, forever you will stay the same
You wont achieve anything
I AM EXTREMELY SURE OF THAT

And when someone speaks english
the other would say that we should stop acting like english people
Stupid
A language is for understanding you dumbass!
And yes, i do learn korean after years of japanese learning
Yet, is it wrong?
Theres a reason why i learn that language and its quite obvious
If you still dont get it, then go learn
Go back to kindergarten

What a dumb comment for them to say that
And if its wrong for someone to learn another language
Then i should stop teaching my chinese student malay and then i wont get anything
Please la, you think im dumb?!
People make a living by learning
Use your brains la!
haiya!

Then i should stop being a teacher and rot at home and started mixing with people with the same race as me and not achieve anything.
You like it that way right?!
Hello, im not racist like you
ok?

And if i got spammed at my tagboard
It will be fun
Filling up my time what
At least got some entertainment
And so buddy's theory would be right
My tagboard is always busy

Theres an excursion in June
Dunno go where and when
Not confirmed yet
And my trip also not confirm
hmm...

Oh oh!
During the excursion
I should only take care of only 6 Malay students la
Since i should mix around with people of my own kind what

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

Do you understand why i need me?

2009-05-19T22:57:00.003+08:00

OKAY
huda
it will take ages for me to upload the only 4 photos during the time me aina n zati meet
not much
lol

노라고...

On a random note
As usual, buddy is being annoying
ha!

Mother go wash all of my pants and skirts behind my door just now
TOGETHER WITH MY SISTER'S!
Tak boleh angs man
And ive got nothing to wear!
And im late and im really furious, i go ransack my whole closet
pulling everything out!
And i found my old black pants
I already have my black shirt on and it doesnt match with that pants
So, i go find my green long kebaya top and to iron (which my maid took her own sweet time until i screamed at her) and i just wore it over my shirt
Got no time
I did argue with mother and i was really angry with the maid for messing up everything inside my closet
She go mix everything together
At last, since mom say shes not happy with my attitude that i pull everything out and expect maid to clean it up, i take everything in one go and just throw it inside my closet
Then mother came inside the room again and say
"nevermind la, later i ask the maid to do it"
Then i said
"no need! im late"

I go and greet her goodbye, salam and went off
Took the cab because i was late like fuck already
chibai, aku nk save pon susah!

Even when i asked my second sister, she like dont wanna lend me anything
I was really frustrated with everything and i dunno whom im angry at
SERIOUSLY
i go complaining to twin till i reach my workplace

Its a hot weather and im wearing double layer
...............................................
then work bla bla bla

Then i did settle my m1 bill after that call from CMC
i called them to terminate the line then got to know from the CSO that i have to go to paragon (as hizan's saying) and return the vodafone to terminate the line.
So yar

Got home.......
called M1
And i spoke to two of them
First guy
Slanger.
Really slanger
Lucky i can understand what hes saying
Then after that, another guy
Also slanger
And damn!
When he slangs, i can understand.....
NOTHING!!!
i kept saying
"come again"
wtfuck
Please la
You speak english with the singaporean accent, others can understand, good enough already
Why need to slang?!
aiyerrr!

and i went up to my mom
"Mak, sorry i was arguing with you before i went to work just now..."
And she said
"nevermind. i no sweat one..."
haha!

fine
saturday morning meeting twin
go paragon
then go back home got clan meeting
Anyway, theres nothing at town anyway.
Boring like crazy...
hmm...
meeting pon meeting la
korang dtg petang leh tak?
PLEASE PLEASE
hehehe

And when im serious with buddy
I am very serious
When im not
Im too not serious
If i have no mood
I throw everything at him
Punching bag in disguise
Bear with it la ehh

I have a very bad temper
엔아이엠곤드롤잉읻비보이잇두렏...

Okla
bye

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

just a random thought

2009-05-19T01:27:00.003+08:00

I remembered this time when a stranger just came and msg me wanting to know me
But when i asked him, where did he get my number from, he said he dont wanna tell.
I became a bit suspicious about this
But yeah, what gives
I told khai about it when we were in secondary school still
And he made a call to this guy and this guy talk cock to him
From what i remembered, he mentioned that this guy 'bobal world' and that he gets my number from khai's younger brother from khai's handphone
It kinda make sense but it gets suspicious now
Numbers can spread like wildfire
coz, dont tell me you cant just press any number and get through someone's phone?
아리지?

Well, this may be in korean alphabets but its all in english actually (maybe not all)
For those of you who can read it
good for you.

아이엠 에빋 섿 두 시 에베리딩 우이 헫 비보 받 비벨 뭅 온...
아이 겐 네베 라이 덷 아이 삼다임ㅅ 우안나 시 유...
유 우에 델 보 미 엔 네베 벨 두 멕 미 제릿 유 에롣...
보고시븐데 가이...

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-05-18T22:40:00.003+08:00

안녕하새요!
구엔자아?

I stayed up until 5 am last night being on the phone with hizan
Its all in her blog
Its fun
I laughed alot
and made me sleepy
For a person who has difficulties sleeping
But when i sleep, its hard to wake up
HAHAHA!
Not much happened today.
Only that supervisor might want to change our trip to batam instead.
-_-"
HAHAHA!!
buddy, nk ikot?
Ada banyak chics tau?
hehe!

Alah, i dunno la
Ive been really bored these days
feels like changing job or whatsoever
ok la bye

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-05-17T20:51:00.004+08:00

If only i got a full shot of my eldest sister's face, you can clearly see we looked similar. i repeat, SIMILAR. not same

Rayyan self-picture taking. (top and bottom)

Mr Policeman

I didnt do anything today
Except for the fact i woke up at my usual sunday time,2pm
Then went to the shop to duplicate the key, buy some junks that dont look like junk
Then went to hang OUTSIDE my house, because theres table and chairs, duhhh. (hizan noes that)
Ima was there so yar
Then followed sister to her new house for the new tenant wanted to view the house
Then go to sembawang beach
Lucky i didnt see that minah rep there
If i were to see
My sister confirm were to talk nicely to her while im beside my sister laughing my ass off at her and her bunch of 'cool' friends.
LOL!

Then go home
done

Ive got nothing else i can do these days
The plan for my trip is going to be delayed thanks to the swine flu
I really wonder
Of all places, why the place that im going?!
haiyerr
Then not sure la
whatever la
i dunno
whatever la
i just hope it wont clash with my Clan's gathering
Okay?
So chalet?
whatever?
this time
Im not gonna let you guys bully me like years ago when i was seven!
Remembered?
We played rounders?(correct spelling anot?)
hahahaha!!

Macam siak
Anga pi pukol tu bola sampai tersangkot kat pokok
Then the other team lari making rounds banyak
beh dpt byk point
HAHAHAHHAHAHA!!
kekek

fine
ok then bye

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

Its all sealed. Its my blog. 아라다?

2009-05-16T22:10:00.004+08:00

I thought of blogging about this audio that i heard long ago but kinda lazy to upload the audio
Title Sivapratap (i dont even know why its that title)
Its from ridaudin
For those who have heard it, you will understand this post easily
But for those who havent, and want to listen to it, tell me, i might upload it if i want to.
hehe

At first this customer service officer (CSO), has a very bad way to saying things to customers
And has worked as a CSO for 8 months, yet dont know the basics
Go back to training
가바!

Ive gone through alot of bullshit from customers
The racist ones (yes, oneS)
The dumb but wanna act clever ones
The know it all ones
The impatient ones
The unreasonable ones
The impolite ones
The plain dumb ones
The choosy ones
and the list goes on

And this CSO cant even apologise when the customer wants it
Hey, its not time to put your pride on the line

Somemore
This customer would be categorise in 'The impatient' and 'The unreasonable' from my list
Simple as that
How to tackle them?
Im nt giving lessons here
Everything here is 'go figure'
hehe!

This customer also got bullshit on the line
Of course she has a tone that is so harsh
Shes like literally blaming the CSO
When the CSO said its a technical problem
And she didnt even give him time to explain
She started bursting out
Thats why i said shes impatient
Eh, boleh sabar tak minah?!
Kalau aku, aku tengking je sak.
lol
If i were the CSO, i wont scream la
Crazy ar, act nice ar
Money babe

And once this customer wants to speak to the Supervisor
And so this CSO said the supervisor was not around
And so this customer is unhappy about it
And please, dont be dumb
hahaha!
When the supervisor's nt around, what do you expect the CSO to do?
Scream through the whole office and shout for that supervisor?
Or go round the country to find him just for you?
Impatient man
Lek ar
And the CSO also one kind
Still can say
"Then thats your problem"
Of course this customer would be infuriated la bodoh!
hahaha!
kekek siak

And when another person, someone related to the customer came on the line
She gave tips to this CSO
Frankly, if someone were to be like that to me on the phone, i would put on mute and blabber these words man
"Go straight to the point. stop yacking man"
Not being a coward
Im just acting nice
Money babe

Then this CSO wants the number of the customer
And this customer go and blabber some harsh words
And this CSO also said something stupid also
"Can you please watch your words"
CSO dear, its business, nothing got to do with teaching how to be polite
gedek!
hhahaha!

Then of course when a CSO wants your number, that CSO would need to contact you back if something came up
Right?
And this customer is refusing to give and say something like
"You are just a staff there!What right do you have to have my number?!"
hahah!
I can describe those words as something
STUPID
plain STUPID
really plain STUPID
want more?
better not
hahah!

Then if something came up and could be something good to you, customer
you dont want the CSO to call you back and inform you one meh?
Ohh, you want to hold
But weren't you just complaining about your handphone bill rising just to make this call?
dumb?
DEFINITELY!
kekek per?!
Lu buat klakar ar joy

Then this customer wants an apology by repetitively saying
"Whats my problem?"
That CSO can just say
"Im really sorry madam for my harsh tone just now"
장!
simple as that
hahahah!

And it took him so long to say that
And well, his supervisor is in a meeting and the customer wants to speak to the supervisor like so desperately
Like can die if she dont get to speak to the supervisor
Look on the bright side, shes a fan of your supervisor!
HAHAHHAH!
lol

If it were to be me
I dont care if i were to be terminated by saying this
Coz ive got a plan
I would say
"You dont expect me to budge into the meeting and call for the supervisor specially for you right?"
Slam the phone
Got the resignation letter ready
Signed it
Put it on the supervisor's or boss's table
Then LEAVE!

Act nice?
Im being nice here.
Money or not, this customer is plainly crazy
Im leaving just to send her to the mental hospital

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-05-15T01:33:00.002+08:00

like chibai
i dont like this sickness okay
fullstop

i had been such a sucker these days
i keep making myself and others into trouble
stupid asshole
might as well just dont get involved in anything
ish!

Im not going into that competition and also the others
no matter how i asked them to
"Go settle everything yourself. Im outta here"
Because this person say she want
then she go tell the other person, and the other person want
Then until now no contact, registration closed and now brother want to make it look as if its my fault after all these times ive given in to these two bloodsuckers!
You think my patience have no limit isit?!
furthermore, hes my brother, he should now how much i hate myself making mistakes.
and this is a mistake
i have wasted my time, AGAIN!
CIBAI LA!

Even when i said
"Nevermind, no need to enter"
He said
"But i want to"
Then i gave in
I dont know how many times i told him that and how many times he insisted on joining
Now
He said
"No need la"
In that tone, implying that im at fault
Hello

As much as im in charge
is as much that im still human
And is as much that im still ME!

I cant tolerate these shits anymore
they make it as if its a joke or game
just hell with it!
You think im so free like you and big brother not working like your sisters do?!
HUH?!

Im really pissed
And just nice, i kept getting sick
Im really getting used to it
Getting used to being angry at myself!

And at work, i cant concentrate
Everything was blur

And i had to cancel the tuition with joy just now
it was very last minute
which i didnt noe i wont be able to teach
and just now i received a msg implying that i should tell her earlier next time
not her fault
yes, its mine

And i have to have all these bullshits coming my way

To warda,
Im nt a person who hates easily
but from that day when i become closer to you as someone older
Now i can say that im positive about it
I dont like you
I dislike you
You are one notch away on making me hate you
Dont give me reasons about your lost phone
Im sure your friends, family, boyfriend can spare you one call informing us that
And not make me search for you high and low
ok?
happy?
now whos fault?
mine?
FINE!

And judin said he wants it 2 days ago
And what did he do?
Go interview then go hang out at town last 2 days
Came back home real late
And go out for dunno wad fuck
and still, came back home real late
and leave me to do everything
so much for your idea that can make us in a better situation

cakap jek byk, buat pon tidak!

satu satu menyusahkan aku!!

c'mon
i have my own life!
I have my own dreams
I have my own problems
And im sick of being the 'happy pill' for someone else when none of you are mine!
you get me?

Dont try and tell me
"your twin is around what"
Shes a human
I repeat
human
not a robot who will 24hr help me
she ALSO has her own life
Or even this
"Your buddy is around what"
lemme say this
DONT MAKE ME LAUGH

wtfuck are the rest of you guys thinking!
ive had enough of this
im embarking on my own
worst comes to worst
im rotting my way to life in singapore
DONE!

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

Enough of your nonsense, i might as well just fly on my own!

2009-05-12T19:39:00.002+08:00

I had fever on Sunday
Not exactly Saturday
That part i didnt check my temperature but sure it was heating up

Its only 38.5 degrees celcius
Not much
I can still run around and talk alot
But my appetite is just gone

I cannot eat anything
I will end up vomiting it out few minutes later
I dont finish my bread at all
Only one loaf also cannot finish
I can only eat sweets?!
For a person like me who dont eat sweets, ate sweets few days ago and minutes ago and is going to later
Like wth
I was thinking about my face and teeth all the way la

But i cant eat anything else
I drank soya bean,milk, milo - vomit out back
Only drink plain water that result me in bloating
Bought bubble tea, had three sips of it and gave the rest to my younger brother
Iyan, sorry for buying it but i want to drink something different!
Because i cant eat anything at all!
Even when i eat maggi, took about 4 scoops of it, cannot finish
My stomach just gave me this red alert saying, "Vomitting out soon"
I ate rice and a bit of squid, same result, cannot finish
But i slowly go swallow all n drink lots of plain water so can tahan
I was thinking
"Bloated?Bloated la!dont care"
Went to meet zati all yesterday right?
Got pictures but later later ar i upload
They went to eat macdonalds
I didnt buy mcspicy but mchicken
Its one hell of a smaller size burger
But after 2 bites, red alert!
Like fuck, i really got irritated already
I slowly gobble it all up
I cannot risk not eating the whole day
At last i finished it up
After almost an hour
-_-"

Then my headache is really killing me
One step i took, my head also take one earthquake inside
eeee!!! GERAM!
Then if i sit down, i used to have this blur sighting only
This time, it was double the fun
PLUS PLUS PLUS the head-quake
again
eeee!!! GERAM!

I ended up taking MC from work today
Im really worried about the maths of my students
Their maths exam booklet, i havent go through and tmr is their exam
Even when im out with zati all yesterday, i was stress like a crazy woman thinking
If i go work, then with this head-quake and no appetite, my strength would be very low despite my hyperactive attitude, i would still not be able to go through and control the class
And if i dont go, no one would go through
The result
I cant go through

After my mother got fever, my nephew, then my younger sister then now me.
then later, who else?!
My maid?!

I tried getting up this morning
Adjusting my head-quake
Yet, its still the same
same
same
same
at last i told anita im taking mc
I really cannot tahan already
After getting home yesterday
till now
i didnt eat

I shared my maggi today with my younger brother
I only ate like 6 times?
Then i gave it up
Bubble tea taste like plain water, only that its cold
?
cibai!
And made me wanna vomit, i stopped drinking and gave to my younger brother
Tried drinking milo, in a packet.
Drank one quater of the packet, the rest gave to younger sister
i used to finish packets of it
my soya bean is abandoned inside my refrigerator
I can eat nothing literally
mcm siak
mcm siak
mmg siak

nvm
tmr go work
dont eat also okay ar!
dont give a fuck already

I kept thinking about my dreams nowadays
I want it anot?
After what judin told me abt warda
i was burning like crazy!
She said she lost her hp
And number changed
Then i said
"Then dunno how to inform me isit?!"
ARGH!
Then she JUST called Fatin
And apparently fatin wants it
And wtf
its three more days
you tell me
if you're in my shoes
Wouldn't you be furious like crazy?
Im already erupting!
Whats worst?
she said she wants to perform
BUT
She didnt give her number at all
She didnt say when to start

Tell you
Not that i let go of responsibilities
Its just that, i dont wanna care or bother about her 'tight' schedule
you know how dissapointing it is?!

three more days lar siak!
Then still can berlengah lengah
geram2 aku gi bakar rumah kau
da, aku jadi arsonist!
ish!

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

Cibai, i still need a substitute!

2009-05-08T21:42:00.003+08:00

And so it was yesterday when i went to buy that phone

I want N97 like crazy
Its either N810 or N97
Like ridaudin claimed that sim lim has it for $300
I dont believe it to be sing dollars but if its USD then its possible
But whatever it is, if it turns out to be true, its still new
Im still waiting for at least the 3rd batch
But still N97 comes first ehh
hahaha!

So if i wanna save up to buy it, i can never do it
I will still end up using the money for nonsensical unneeded things
So, i bought a phone with a quite reasonable value
Then when N97 or N810 is out, i will sell this phone and get that N97!!
AHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!
What phone?
If you see me, you will see it
HAHAHA!

I dont like this phone much
And twin has it called my soon-to-be-gone phone
HAHA!!
Sorry phone
I cant like you man
huahua!
What happened to my N72?
Its inside my drawer and locked
So its preserved inside the box safely
hahaha!
I wont sell or trade that phone no matter what!
It has been with me for 2 yrs plus and noway hosey im selling it
Too much memories inside
Those old and some stupid messages
The 'harmal' tone kinda message that i sent
all inside
HAHAHA!!
And not to forget those nonsensical recording i made while being on the phone with rid especially
hahahha!!
RID!Sing to britney spears!
LOL

Well, twinny followed me round in yishun to find it
hmm..
some customer service officers are bloodsuckers and are just plain dumb lor
Piss me off
Eventually, i bought it
:)
how much?
hmmm........................
ermmm...................
armmm.................. (arm?!)
hahaha!

thanks twinny for accompanying me even though its just in yishun and buying one item
hmm..
And thanks to my shouting and screaming that made me have myself labeled as 'tebiat' by twinny

ok bye

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-05-07T01:23:00.001+08:00

I NEED A SUBSTITUTE!!

If you think you want to suka suka only replace my previous member, forget about it

2009-05-06T22:57:00.003+08:00

i am just too tired
:)

you noe why i hate planning?
Because i hate misunderstandings

I never thought of finah while finding a subtitute for the team
And yeah, she did want to help me
But obviously, people can just dump you at the last minute without reasons
Just like my brother's friend
And when we sms or called, they wont respond

So, finah wants to find another person
she can go ahead but have to make sure she dont run away
She would know what i will do if she does

Well
I told twin before
I didnt even like my secondary school days even one bit
I prefer my poly life

CAUTION
This is where i throw all my thoughts and you have the right to get angry but no right to stop me from posting these stuffs. okay?

Frankly, my friends from secondary school dont even know me actually
Yes, they know me in a sense of, im siti and you're (name).
Just because i hate that place, i dont even bother to be myself
What for? waste my time only
Get it?
Of course some of them actually do know me
On how i do things and why
On what i like to do and when
On how i am actually when i get furious and what will happened

I am the "not my problem" person
I never really cared about others' matters to be exact
Only if im needed, i will bother
Whatever you tell me, i will remember
But like i said, not my problem
I also dont expect people to remember my complaints all the time
Because its not their problem
get it get it?
(Suddenly im almost to tears because i want my N97 or N810! cibai until now not out in Singapore)
And so, i have a very harsh tone in talking
Sometimes my anger is just mixed with my normal talking and turn out to be 'harmal' tone.

I am always being sarcastic all the time
Because if you dont understand, i will make it 'clearer' to you
Seriously man

To you guys
Since when i became the planner?
I hate being one okay
haiyer!

Because when misunderstandings occur
I will tend to fight back
I will not back down
Because you still dont get it
This reason, 'how would i know?!', is the proof that you dunno me.
:)
and of course, i dunno some of my friends' aspects too what
Im not perfect
(cibai, im still thinking about that N97 and N810)
hmm...

Like how i msged zati just now when she said
"i tell her alr. she oso dun wana go ecp wat. its ur idea in e first plc."
First i asked,
"ok guys.go ecp on monday?"
Thats a question
DANG~!
Thats a question
Because i get no replies when i list out the places that we could go but only replies like, "i dunno", "im not sure"
So when one replied saying, "ecp", i msged the others, "ecp"
Then zati send me these
I replied her in my 'harmal' tone
"nope.4 instance, yan nk gi si2.tu psl aku tny,aku tk suroh.aku aniwhere"
get it now?
how my 'harmal' tone may sound like?
then no replies
like i told aina
"Since when i became the planner?"
Then huda told me
"Mon aku sch"
Now, dont tell me
Im not the one with the idea in the first place

haiya!
Ive had enough stress planning countless of things before for W16M
now, i resigned!

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-05-05T22:34:00.002+08:00

Totally no life right now
planning an outing (i hate that word) for the old friends
wanna go zoo
but i havent tell the others as my hp is giving me problems

i was supposed to meet them last saturday but i cancel it
lemme make this clear
i dont want anymore misunderstandings and is resulted to umpteen unnessecary teasings that there will be a high chance i will retaliate
I cancel it before not because i was lazy, but because i got beaten up the night before and i my mother is more important than anything else
She is having fever and furthermore, shes furious towards me
I need that day to make it up to her that end up having mother to cry
get it now?
i dont happy2 just cancel plans
there will be at least a reason and its not a stupid one i can assure you

You guys should noe hows my family like
Trust me, the situation havent change
And mother is very sick that her temperature just went up
She cant even eat
at least im there to massage her abit
what can she expect from my brothers who always vanish before you know it?
And anyway, since im around, id better be around
Im not taking mother as my reason but my responsibility as a daughter

Even though i just dont wanna live anymore

Only yesterday mother said,
"You're around what "
When i asked her to sleep and told her of the consequences if she didnt

Now everytime she said that
My hopes just came tumbling down
Well, thats all for this matter

Skip!

Im kicking someone out of the team if she didnt give me an answer by the time i get hold of my subtitute
What to do
This is business
And i dont want any personal matters to be involved
C'mon, this is nothing about friends
Its about business
Strictly

I got so fired up whenever she didnt turn up
And ive decided on that decision
Its final, dont push it
Even when judin tried to compromise with me
Its too bad he has been siding her for too long and ive had enough

I had a really weird dream last night
reall weird until i kept thinking about it
Because of all people, why must he turn up inside my dream?
And its someone that i never contact for so long
Its confirm that its not buddy nor Zikri nor Khai
ok?
So jgn nk feeling2 ehh
Especially buddy

I still remember your,
"Mestilah all the way kene pikirkan hal aku!"
Lu boleh pi korek pantat lembu eh jack
hahaha!

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-05-03T01:14:00.002+08:00

If you know that im referring to you
Then it is for you
Unless you dont understand a thing
We seized it before
And now its green alert green alert!
so how?
ahahaha!!

Nothing much to say other than wada turns out to be what judin said she was
Kuat paitau
so yar, she didnt turn up didnt call
I just guess ar
Might as well dont do it this time
might as well dont have her this time
might as well just lemme dwell on it this time
shit
full of shit
really full of shit

seriously, i still got issues
I still dont understand why youngsters nowadays like to use this phrase!
"(name)'s ownage"
Kepaler otak kau berjambol la
Its not like that someone actually own you!
If that person actually do own you
Then theres nothing you can do to that person
And most of the time
That name, is either a friend's name or a boyfriend's/girlfriend's name
Tak ke merepek when you dont put your mother's name there?!
They own you, not some friends outside
alermak
I do seem like a busybody but just lemme hate these terms first before my sister follows this stupid dumb ways made by some youngsters
If she were to follow these things, i WILL beat her to the pulp
Because once she follows these things, the label will be on her forehead
"YP!"
or
"PM!"

If its not there, i will carve it on her forehead

Bodoh siak ni ownage ownage semua
seriously, bodoh siak!
tak masok akal langsong!

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

You will never know what i have in my mind all these times

2009-05-02T21:40:00.003+08:00

Its just funny how i cant explain this
Because i hate myself making mistakes
And i can say i am at fault even though i hate that part
I can say mother dont let me explain but shes just worried and im not angry at her
Some sort, i just wanna ask her why does she got extremely angry because of me
Its like as if she got high hopes for me

I dont apologise to big matters but i make it up to that person as an apology than the plain 'sorry'.
Its not enough to me

I was always at home and i dont go out
I didnt want to hang out with my neighbours when my brothers and sister did
But it was a change yesterday
I didnt have anything else to do so i thought, i should just go to my neighbour's house with my brother
To help packing contact lenses and talk for awhile
I was sleepy after that
Because when i did it at home, mother would always scold me for using too much electricity

Mother knows me as someone who goes to work and come back home straight
Someone who will tell where i go everytime
Someone who wont acknowledge her about my whereabouts if im really furious with something that happened at home

You read my previous posts
There are many that depicts my temper

Mother was sick and her fever just wont go away
And to me, i rarely get angry at my mother
But when i am, i still respect her
If shes going out, i will still bid her goodbye and take care
Even when its the time where she dont wanna talk to me, i will still do it

But despite my plain life that she sees
She dont know how im struggling to run away from myself
To just break free of this barrier inside me and go with my dreams
And kept progressing
I just cant and i just gave up somehow
And so i have the thought of just leading this dull life here
But yesterday was different
I kept saying i want my dreams now
NOW!
Ive waited for so long yet nothing comes around

I went to my neighbour's house and only got back home at 6am with older brother
The doors were locked from inside purposely by mother
Anga hasnt came back home yet even thought she did
Anga knocked on the door yet nobody picks up
Maid still havent wake up when shes suppose to wake up at 5am
Anga called and mother picked up and anga hang up

Mother opened the door and chide Anga
Then when she saw me, she was very furious
"SITI!!!!"
She didnt see my brother
"YOU COME HERE!!"
I went up to her and ask wheres my brother
Brother came and i was asked to go inside with brother and Anga outside
Expected
She pinced me to the hardest and pull me further inside
And so I got slapped, hit at the back, punch, slapped right left right left right, shouted, punched at the back, pushed to the wall, my hair being pulled and slapped.
She screamed at the top of her lungs leaving me with no time to explain
I only get to say one line
"I was packing contact lenses to sell"
Then she shouted that i could do it at home in the morning and everything
But that contact lense wasnt mine
I was helping out of my own will because i was bored
I dont wanna hog at my laptop all night
And leaving her to find money to pay the bills
I thought of that and yet i got beaten

Anga got nagged awhile and brother had a verbal fight with mother father

I was just sitting at the corner thinking of my dreams
I just want it now
Just now please

I didnt cry because i just cant
anga came to comfort me but i gently push her hand aside
She said
"I dont care. are you ok?"
I said im just fine
I didnt feel the pain of the slapping but the pinch bruise and pain stays
Thats all
Maybe because i was used to it or its just my brain thats thinking of other things that i dont pay attention to the pain
Anga said
"I went inside the room and the maid is just happily sleeping.I kicked her and say, what time already!you didnt wake up.Because of you, whatever you hear outside might not happen!But because of you, this happened!"
Yes, if she has been awake, we're safe.
But still its a teaching for me yet a painful one inside. I hate myself and these happened which made me hate myself more.
What to do, Anga was infront of me when i got beaten up. Of course she cant do anything, its my mother who beat me.
Now the pain of the pinch is gone

I went to wash up and went to brother's room
"Sorry abang"
He didnt say much but showed me the handsign to go
"takpela siti"
(Its okay siti)

I didnt sleep until 8am
I was on my bed staring to the ceiling
Woke up at 6pm and i heard mother was crying because judin just got back home
haizz

I didnt talk to mother all the way and when mother wanna go out to send things with her fever
I went to bid her goodbye and salam
I was intending to do that only but she went over to me and kissed me on the cheeks and forehead
She hugged me and cried
I said
"Its okla. Im fine."
She said she was dead worried about me all the way. She never expected me to be like my brothers
Thats the thing she dont know
Its because im running away from myself, i cant look at my laptop and entertainment any further
Or listen to my favourite songs
It further deprives me
It makes me just lost
Even now im listening to the songs
Yet i just hate doing it but i want it

This confusion is just killing me from top to toe
i was supposed to meet zati and aina today but i said to cancel it
Maybe just let them meet coz ive met aina and zati havent
Im sorry guys

Well, its just me
Its just my dull life
I am just running away from myself
I feel like telling mother
"I dont have any hopes in life now"

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-05-01T01:25:00.004+08:00

Sorry Sorry - Super Junior

Again and Again - 2PM

I just realized something new today
No, not the video
Its the fans
I know about how fanatic ELF can be
more to psychotic
But i didnt know that 2PM's fans are also very protective

I came to watch the video after recommendation from shak
The song is nice
no doubt
And i know they are a dance group
They can dance well but i always come to a point and say
"Harapkan breakdance je"
(Only the breakdance is impressive)
Correct me if im wrong
Im not a pro myself but i do know what is boring

And compared to SUJU's (Super Junior's), 2PM is not even near them

It all started like this
I wont compare DBSK or BoA's dance
Because it would be unfair right?
I mean, they are up there already

So
I came to watch this video and i commented
"The dance is weak. But the song is nice!"
I purposely put a positive note on the same harsh comment
But its all my true opinions
Nice song,weak dance
And a person replied, something like
"Its funny you said that since they are a dance group. (then i forgot) should check their dance(?) before again and again, you will be wowed"
I replied again,
"I know they can dance well, but this video just didnt impress much. :)"
Simple mimple babeh
And seriously, i was NEVER wowed by their dance.

Its obvious
I showed my younger brother, who is a popper
And he said
"Their popping is really weak. Dont do when still dunno how to do"
The last part is impressive but still i said
"Harapkan breakdance je"

So, is my theory right?
SUJU's and 2PM's fans are the same
I think they are clones
HAHA!
kidding!

At least from what i can see
I did critic DBSK old dance before
And some even agree with me
But look at them now

Sometimes you need critics to go higher you see
And since fans are the one that make their world go round
These fans have to think better and accept things better
That faith is what these artists needs
Okay?
Dont defend them for something that is too obvious

If i bother
I will bite every single step 2PM did in that video in a day
I did it with SUJU's easily and there is no problem with 2PM
:)
I have to be boastful this time to make these fans understand

Fine, whatever

I went to watch a movie with twinny just now
Wolverine,Xmen origins
Its just overwhelming and i cant explain how great it is!
HAHAHA!
But sadly, gambit only attack with his cards once
Alamak GAMBIT!!

hhaha!
Yes, i watch because of him(gambit)
Because the other Xmen movies, gambit isnt around
Sadly, Logan lost his memory at the end of the movie
woops!
I just spill it out!

Well, thats what you get when you read my blog
You will know things that you wouldnt wanna know
HAHAH!!

And its just my luck to not take any photos when i go out with friends
hahahaha!

Then go meet the people for soccer after that
Macam tk penat penat eh aku?
Dengan kasot Puma aku jugak.
hahaha!
till now im not
Match with bangladesh
HAHA!
lucky i didnt join that part
Or else i will stink like crazy!
Like farid said
"Aku pakai sabon sampai 3 kali siol! bau tk ilang2!"
HAHAH!

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-04-30T02:08:00.002+08:00

this one guy named zul fazly in facebook from malaysia only knows one phrase
which is
'wtf'
incredible
you know three english words!
bodoh
and i took this quiz which i managed to get only 3 right
and he said wtf
lol

fine
work has nothing interesting already
dont care

Tmr watching a movie with iyan
hehe
i was bloody frustrated with the AXS machine because the keyboard is driving me nuts!
And iyan's credit card also cannot use
cibs!
Then i go find at SAM
got it at engwah jubilee amk
hmm..
ok la
start at 9pm
and so friends
dont go watch your movie at this time and the same place as me!
i dont wanna get any bad remarks like im sombong from any of u later on!
Because i totally wont engage with anything around me much like usual
so yeah
even tho im always the one who spots my friends first before they did
HAHA!

whatever it is
pls just dont
haha!

just now still played badminton
think its already a routine to play badminton everyday
i want my stamina back
i want to get my 40kg weight back
so that my seven can come back
hahaha!
now?
my seven is retarded
really retarded

ok
ramzi has been budging into conversations just now
pissing me off
he kept calling me tua bangka
as in a very old person
yelah
kau kan masih secondary school
yet im still young!!

irritating me all the way
im nt angry la
but hes annoying la
got take vid of the match but will not post it up here today/now
more to lazy but i dun wanna say it but i just did
HAHA!!

talked to ima while waiting for my turn to play
so yar
our community just got bigger
and the waiting time is also longer
mangkos gadigos
gini mcm aku tido pon sempat
hahah!
im so stingy!
LOL

now webcamming with iyan
and now shes listening to songs and wont hear a word i say even if i did
lols
i want go smoke!

And i cant print that anugerah form for bro
so, anyone got printer, be nice and tell me!
And i can bet 100% that buddy cant help

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

Stop it about myself, im not surviving these anymore

2009-04-29T01:45:00.003+08:00

Buddy
Your friend just added me on facebook.
-_-"
And he left a comment on my wall
And i just replied with that face

Yeah
That wtfuck face

Buddy
You know how friendly i can be
You know how over friendly i can be
And of course you know how antisocial i can be too
So this is not late yet
You'd better save your friend now!

Seriously
Why are these happening now
So much for having an interesting life eh huda? (dont take it as if im chiding you)
Because its just dull

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-04-28T23:22:00.002+08:00

Its a record
I didnt update for 2 days?
ehehe!
hmm...
Its a record for me!

Nothing much happened except for some things has been hoggering my way
The badminton match in the video
Thats it
padahal only 2 days
-_-"
that video was yesterday and today i did join them too
I dont lepak kinda person and i dont usually go and meet them
But since they are playing badminton these days
I told myself
"Why not?"
But except the fact that my brother, which is already 22 years old mind you, didnt go back to camp for days already!
Whatever
Not my problem

I have been sleeping at 4am these days
And i cant stand myself not sleeping at that time
I has been doing new jewelleries, new designs everything after work or whatever
I just cant stop!
But shit
Things havent go their way nowadays

I was wide awake at 3 plus am few days ago when sister just came back home
The first thing she said, "You have problems isit?"
I replied, "The usual"
Curious she asked me what is it and i answered
"Other than having problems with myself, theres nothing else"

Well, whatever
i tend to forget about my dreams already and carry on this dumb life
aku da malas senang cakap
I dont even have the will to meet friends and hang out unless its fun like badminton
if its just hanging around or shopping, forget about it

when i go and meet aina n huda, i was working that day and im out, so yar
imagine if im not working that day, i would just reject by the first invitation

Theres nothing i can do now
If it bores me, im not gonna pretend it entertains me already
If hanging out with my sister and clan and i get bored, i would just leave
easy
I dont mind being alone anywhere nowadays
I can go Tampines Mall alone and do my own stuffs
I can just go walk a far distance just to take the bus home
I can go to shop alone
I can go around any shopping alone buying things for my mother or any other things (not clothes) for myself

I used to not be able to do this before
But now, i dont care

Theres always this instinct that people around might just look at me as a weirdo going around alone
I dont care about it already
Im alone
Yes i am
so?
Does it even leave problems to you?
It left a huge problem with me nowadays

Thursday, im meeting twin for a movie
Im not being biased on refusing to meet my old friends
But think hard
I am working that day when im meeting her
ok?
And yes, i still got the will to go
You go ask yourself
Because of all people i know, shes the only one who knows what entertains me
Not being selfish here but i didnt enjoy much when im out with other friends
I always end up being the quiet one or the talk-too-much one amongst us

Im being selfish by pointing it out here
But its the fact for me
As much as you think you never leave me behind is as much as i think you did
Everyone makes mistakes and im not angry with anyone of my friends
Even though im just furious almost everyday towards buddy
Thats different

And as much as twin knows how to entertain me
I know how to compromise too

Im just tired of myself
Seriously
till now, i still dunno who or what am i

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-04-26T00:30:00.002+08:00

im a blogger
a blogger a blogger a blogger
I remembered what huda said to me just now
"Your life is interesting"
"Kau dari dulu sampai skg tak ubah" (she meant about my attitude. hehe!)
"Dari dulu sampai skg, crita kau mmg sedih la muna"
Huda, my life is not interesting!
Its interesting to others but nt me
so it sucks big time
hehehehehe!!!

And i remembered what aina and huda said
"Dari dulu sampai skg, busy jek muna ni"
Yeah, im always busy with things i dont wanna get involved in!
Apparently, my siblings and some other friends just sometimes dont understand that you feel me?
hehehe!

And i think im just keeping my first son
and its final
if the third one dont wanna grow up
then its done and over with
whatever fuck with your decisions
now im being fucked up
its none of my business
simple
But you think i wanna be busy hearing and knowing all these stuffs?
no

lemme say these in malay
kalau dia da jadi bini kau, aku paham
tapi skg, tunang pon tidak
tiada ikatan langsung to be exact
secara normal je krg dengan satu sama lain
kalau ramai yang lain boleh sedar that fact
why cant you?
senang ckp
i told my first son
"he needs to grow up, BIG TIME"
jangan judge aku from here
Like as much i dunno you, its just as much as you dunno me
fair enough?

seriously
sometimes
aku tknk lyn all these things
and i just hate it when ppl do things without thinking on who they would affect
mmg kau tk rugi apa2 kalau aku tknk acknowledge kau in the future
kira kau ni big shot ar?
yakuza mana kau sampai aku nk kejar, duit gitu nyer belambak?
stop being typical and naive
remind yourself that everytime
and since kau tk rugi apa2 kan, aku pon sama ar
fair right?
And its really wrong for you to do this
coz seriously, aku tknk campor
And since im a person that is always , "kawan nyer psl. mak nyer psl.sedare nyer psl", it just sucks when its taken advantage of practically
And i seriously dont like it
Aku tak suka
betol2 jijik
Salah aku jugak putting others before me
But aku tahu of this phrase which i think you barely know

"When you light a candle for someone else, it still becomes brighter"

So?
tak pernah dengar?
pergi blajar

those words up there are simple kan?
like i say, dier bukan tunang kau pon
kau dah buat keputusan gitu macam skali
skg kau pikir kau tk rugi
and seriously to the person you're referring to pon tak rugi
fair?
im not cursing and mulot aku tak masin all the time
kalau sampai satu hari kau dgn dier da tkde pape lagi
pandai2 la kau pikir kesalahan dalam keputusan kau skg ok?

seriously, aku tknk campor
but what happened now?
and you made my theory for 2007 more vivid
that year is full of bullshits
and dont make shits for me this year again
i might just go out berserk trying to kill you again and again

mulot org, saper boleh tutop
kau ader otak, pi pikir sebelom jump to conclusions
ever heard of, you need to listen to both sides of the story?
its common that its impossible for you not to have heard it before
people have opinions about everything!
and i do have my opinions towards my brother in law and many has known abt it
even he himself
but did he say, "you dunno me so dont even talk bad about me" ?
Why?
Because its an opinion, not talking bad
you know what i said about him when he joked about something i dont like?
I asked if i can eat that prata he bought as i was hungry
like i said, as much as i dunno you is as much as you dunno me
So he dunno that i never joke about food, my believes, my religion, myself
but he said, "CANNOT!"
when he bought it for the whole family
I just replied, "fine.."
He replied, "Go eat lah..."
I just said, "dont want. it seems bad for me now"
i dont like his jokes
but still, did he even go against me?
no
simple as that
somemore, im his wife's sister
not because of family ties
we got our own mistakes and opinions
so think
if you cant take critics or opinions, might as well go live your life alone

skg, aku nk tgk movie

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-04-25T23:06:00.003+08:00

I went to work 5 minutes late just now
Yes
I cant wake up
I kept going back to sleep!
Finish work just nice a 1230pm
:)

After that meet aina and huda after so long!
Only for awhile sadly
Bro want me to wait for him but wth, hes fucking late and im running late
I just left and asked him to do it on his own

Then while being at coffee bean
I saw a toddler that looks so like Ginny Leaw
And so i guessed thats it Ginny Leaw's sister
Then when i switched seats, i heard
"Eh?Teacher Siti!"
Its Ginny Leaw
With Xavier Leaw my student
They chatted with me for awhile until the mother came and spoke to me for awhile
I used to say thats shes arrogant and im still gonna say it now
I can see that shes faking it
But wth?
I still respect her conscience on talking to her kids' teacher, Me
AHAHHA!
fine

Go and meet ridaudin and dang! did i kept him waiting?
HAHAHA!
Chey, that person is no more late
for now
HAHA!
Go and have our lunch at the foodcourt coz i need to consume my medicine
Best part is, i immediately become groggy
But i just consume the asthma pill only!
SHIT
go library to borrow some books
And dang i totally forgot on how heavy it might be on my shoulders! literally!
Me n rid saw some dumb stuffs and funny ones
So ya

I didnt see him for sooooo long
And yes, we did everything we could
I didnt intend on going anywhere and for the first time, i go with where rid wanna go
I dont mind

Yeah, hang around the whole place and i saw Izyan's mother
She worked at Chewy Junior when i was trying to buy some
Yes, i refrain from buying it for months already
And since i was in Yishun and rid wants it, why not?
HAHAHA!
She was shocked la and gave me on extra
HAHA!

Bought 12 piece coz she bugged me to!
AHA!
lols
yelah, tk kisah
For the family to eat or just me

Go and hang at Bro-in-law's old flat
And we talked and knocked
(i know it didnt make any sense but it just ryhmes. haha!)

cabbed home
Sent rid to his home
And i went home all groggy still
I tried to sleep but i cant
TV always has got me these problems so yeah

Then just now dad scare me with a lizard he caught
he deliberately knows my phobia to it because of what happened when i was a kid!
Yet he did that!
I told him to just kill me!
He said its better to torture me
Well dad
Since you want it
YOU'VE GOT IT THIS TIME!
DONT COME AND TRY TO CALL ME AND ASK WHERE AM I OR WHATEVER!
THERES NO NEED FOR YOU TO KNOW MY WHEREABOUTS!
IT DOESNT CONCERN YOU!
Because of this, my asthma came back when i tried very hard to avoid it from coming
took mc, took alot of time, took a lot of money for it
And all you did is to make it worst
What the fuck is this?!
Too bad
IM NT GONNA LISTEN TO YOU ALREADY!
YOU ASKED FOR IT!
And i dont care about what you said during Hari Raya
"You're the child that i loved most you know"
Whatever to that piece of yours
Coz you know nothing
I BET!
With this happening
Your jokes are really against my limit
You're really challenging me
And you really dunno what i can do
You just know nuts
Maybe you do take note
But you never believed it
Like learning physics in class
You take note of it, but you dont understand a single thing
And so
My theory about your dictionary on me stops here
Information, BLANK
you understand none of what you know
And you believed none of it either
I just hate talking bad about you, you know

Seriously
You can scare me with SNAKES
I dont give a damn
But lizards
Please
you knew what happened to me before
You knew how bad i turned out to be after that incident
YOU WERE THERE!
i really dunno whats wrong with you!

Just shut your jokes
SHUT IT
coz none of it is funny
too bad most are just TOO sucky
theres nothing i can describe you
because you're almost everything bad i can think of after all those

Thats my phobia
you want to torture me right??
RIGHT?!

im leaving this up to my angst

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

2009-04-24T22:17:00.003+08:00

http://theclothestomb.blogspot.com
Or just click the banner of the blogshop at the top
New updates
Nicer and chic designs updated!

I think my bestfriend is coming
Ive been losing my temper these days

I never hear buddy's voice for so long already
And yes i miss it
Miss criticizing him!
Seriously, is that the only thing we can always do together?!
HAHAH!
yes

What to do
Hes a cheap punching bag
And whenever i told him i blogged about him
He would expect criticisms from me
Well now
You want it, you got it!
HAHAHAH!

Life?
Dont talk abt life
It has become too stupid
My path has become too stupid
This line will lead to this stupid thing
Another path will lead to another stupid thing
Another path will lead to a boring dull one
Believe me, all those are shortcuts
And only one path is heading the right way
I just know it
I feel that its very long
But sadly, i cant even step foot on it at all
Because its just blocked
I have to do something before i can get to see it
On the maximise version
Its me with a confused expression
Or most of the time, no expression
hmm...
sucky
you can bet on it!
HHAHAHAH!
And ive just talked about life.
-_-"

Yes no one knows about what im thinking
Only Allah
And im not willing to open up unless its with twin
Everyone has their secrets and of course, there are some things that she dunno abt me
And theres some things i dunno about her

Making the first move is not difficult at all
But the consequences that you have to bear after that is what makes many just mind their own business
Its what many just dont want to make the first move
But think hard
Learn from the consequences
Ive faced many of them yet im still lost
Then, its just something that i dont need to encounter much
So, whos at fault?
Myself
Yes, but its an experience
No one will achieve without failures what
duh!

Me and brother and the rest are entering the competition
not one, but two
Yes
And we are against the adults
Just because of my age
Pitied my underage brother and his underage friends
kurangajar per aku panggil drg underage. SIAL
Step aku da mcm 25 gitu
HAHA!
Sorry but yay
Yeah
guess thats it
tmr working with Yvonne at 10am
cannot wake up!
but must wake up!
HAHAHA!

Yvonne who?
The new yet funny collegue that took over eileen when eileen left
so yar
She shared some absurd stories to me zarinah n ainee just now
FUCK!
I laughed until the table become my victim
AHAHHA!
it cracked?

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

PM or PMJ?

2009-04-23T21:49:00.004+08:00

As you all know what a PM means
Its Potential Minah
Like in my title, theres two possibilities
PM or PMJ?
PMJ is Potential Mami Jarum
Aiya, that old hag who loved talking about other people's business or even intruding into them when it has got absolutely nothing to do with them
If you're saying that one matter is ur business just because he or she is someone's friend friend or he or she is ur friend or he or she is your cousin
Its not your business, trust me
You can just help them in a good way by NOT revenge.
Theres always so much we humans can do
And yeah, thats a proper one

I slept at 4am yesterday after doing those jewelleries!
I was so addicted to it that i forgot to do my P2 assesments
Almost 2 weeks already!
Siallah

Since buddy has started school again, his blog also start hibernating
Tell me something new

Supposedly going out with the clan next thursday
But, i already have plans with twin!
They wanna watch this movie, Xmen origins
Aku tahu la ramai2 gerek kan
Tapi krg last minute ar jack
LEMBAB siak
hahaha!!
Anga also cannot make it

Im watching that movie with twin and sun
maybe with zara and rain also
hmm...
see first la hor
see first

At work
I really lose my temper at the kids just now
Seriously
Until i dragged Brian Soh till he fall
You bunch of insolent kids!
GAH!

Yesterday i read Jason's blog again
I reckoned he deleted his posts in 2008?
hmmm...
But his old unread post, that i never read before, is still alive
And i kept laughing like a motherfucker at what he actually post about
wtf was he thinking?!
HAHAHHA!!
Member mengutuk rabak per
And i kept saying,
"Siallah kau!"
ahahha!!

Sometimes you should live in your own world aye?

We has stopped our mission right "Older Version"/"Jiran Tetangga"?
hahaha!
But wait!
I saw someone who typed like our previous victim also!
Kekek per member
There is a short form for 'friend' which is 'fren'
Why make a long complicated one like 'fwren'
Mulot tak sakit ke nk pronounce tu word?!
Alamak!
Lu memang pembawa migrain la minah!
haha!
I find it hard to read the words because everything is just topsy turvy
I dunno wtf is she writing man
I reckoned she meant to type 'thing' instead of 'think'
But anyway, she should have written 'things' when she did type 'thing'
Aper nyer bahase ni?
Aku pening tau
Is she talking about a matter or multiple matters when she seemed to be like talking about multiple matters?
You feel me?
hah!
Well whatever
Since the 'red alert' report was given, which is signaled by 'Older Version'
We just stopped
Like i said to u guys
"Memang da masanya kita bertaubat. Balik ke jalan yang BENAR"
hahah!
sial kan aku?
aku tahu

Ive never had spammers and hate tags in my blog for so long already
Im missing it already
hmm...

Like zai's case
they want to report it to the police
If it were me they want to report about
I would just say
"Go ahead, the police knows me already."
No need for a novel post like you, zai
hahahaha!!
Maybe i am one hell of a heartless person who do things that can thrash my own siblings
But still, ive got my senses functioning well

Chinawoman has been caught of bad mathematics
And i had migrain while at work
And i was dizzy and groggy during work
So
I actually overlooked my students' maths work
SHIT
Lucky Zarinah understood
If not
Im dead
Bapak kita tu bukannya giving sangat nyahhhh!

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~

Hold on tight, this is LONG!!

2009-04-22T21:46:00.004+08:00

Ive got issues to talk about on this post
Yesterday and Today

Yesterday
1. Maisarah*80's Birthday
2. Ive got the pink treatment
3. I saw helmet Guy
4. The greens is at home and i bought a new one
5. Ive got an instant Facial Treatment

Today
1. 12:15pm is a significant time
2. Money runs away from me
3. 1:07pm is another significant time
4. Boss talks to me (well, thats direct)
5. Blogshop Now sells Customied Jewellery!

Yesterday

Maisarah*80's Birthday

It was her birthday yesterday
Happy 29th!
And im turning 19 on the 27th April
hehe!
According to Islam's calendar
Coz i just love the the number 19
hehe!
And i wanna stay 19 forever!
LOL
Stupid, stop talking bout my age

Ive got the Pink Treatment

I went to take the MC yesterday
I coughed too hard while waiting for the bus and i vomitted
How stupid
I was about to go to work!
And i dunno how many time i apologise to Anita and bugged Zarinah to convey my apology
Psycho?
YES!
Because it was so last minute
Doctor checked my heartbeat and told me that the wheezing sound has become occasional rather than before that is all the time
But still, the black cough medicine just didnt work for me at all
And so she gave me the pink treatment

Plus the SPOON!
hahah!
Yes, the tablets is for my asthma
The previous ventolin are finished!
And she gave me somemore
RID!
ALL PINK!
WAKAKAKA!

I saw Helmet Guy

The helmet guy is Zarinah's boyfriend
He saw me and smiled
I was tossing and turning (NOT literally) thinking on where did i saw him before
And turned out, its him
I was like a stalker
"Eh eh! EHHHH!! KAMU!"
hahaha!
giler
Im too friendly
So thats what always happen when i saw someone i know

The greens is at home and i bought a new one

After fetching mahirah from school at 5pm
I thought of going for a smoke
But the greens (my lighter) is at home!
And so i told mahirah to buy a new one
A cannot reuse lighter and the flame is huge!

Ive got an instant Facial Treatment

Since the new lighter has huge flame
I adjust the lighter to have a smaller flame
Tested it out and its small
But when i put that fag inside my mouth and want to light it
Without me knowing
The flame was huge!
It burnt a bit of cigarette
And also
It burnt my right side of my face!
I felt the heat for awhile and leave it until i heard a burning sound!
YES!
My face was burnt (more to the foundation)
My eyebrow and my eyelashes and my hair!
The fringe!
CIBAI!
I almost cried!
My eyebrow is now shorten
The strands become shorter and its obvious that my right side has shorter eyebrows than the left
RETARDED SIAK!
My long eyelashes, the ones i treasure most
Well
The right side
Half of it is short and the rest is long
ARGH!!
RETARDED!
And my hair, fringe, near my face
WAS BURNT ALSO
When i tried to put off the ashes
HAIR STRANDS FALL OUT!
RETARDED!!
alermak
I felt like crying and the smell was really bad!
The fuel
I light up my ciggie and just throw that lighter at the drain
alermak!
Picture taken but not obvious unless u see me face to face
wahsey!
I called rid to complain
In the night i called twin to complain
Then i told my older brother
He laughed at me
He can see my eyebrows are retarded
ARGH!!
Then after that, my whiteheads are all dried out and it fall by itself
ish!

Right after the burnt
ZOOM!

Today

12:15pm is a significant time

I woke up at 12.15pm today!
And im late for work!!

Money runs away from me

I took the cab and my cash died on me
HAHA!
sheesh!
That taxi cannot use nets but can use ezlink card
Scared ezlink card not enough money and so i told rui ping to wait at the security to help just in case
End up my ezlink card got money
HENG AR!!

1:07pm is another significant time

I reached work at 1.07pm
Yes, not late but its late for me!
Im suppose to reach at 1pm!
sheesh!
Then Anita told me
"What for take cab! Take your time la. Take cab use alot of money"
It sounds sarcastic to me but she said it in a normal tone
Think because she wants my partner to do work
-______________-"

Boss talks to me
Yeah
Anita emailed him the pictures of my partner's mistakes in checking the children maths homework
And so he talked to me to identify on whose work was it
I know their handwriting well and they were asked to see my boss
Boss asked on who checked the work first
Pyn Zhern said it was me but Raymond was direct
he said, "Teacher Yanying check first then Teacher Siti"
Good enough
Boss asked if the work was corrected or not
Lucky Pyn Zhern said yes
Boss talked to my partner and she came back with a gloomy face
hehe
Sial je aku
And she didnt talk to Anita at all after that
Anita guessed that my partner is angry at her
Anita was like, "So what? I dont care"
Then say some other things also la
hahaha!
Boss divides the class for checking maths into two
So i will be handling class 2A to 2C (The weak ones)
hehe!
Then the 2Is (the clever ones), raised up their hands before boss says about theirs
End up, my partner will check theirs
Then Xavier Yong (from 2I) said, "But i want Teacher Siti to check!"
Constance (from 2I also) said the same too
Too bad boss said no to them
I was there smiling only
hahahahhaha!
Its obvious what
I did take a look at constance
But she gave me the sign that she would request for me to check her maths homework
haha!
Too bad for her

Blogshop now sells Customised Jewellery!

http://theclothestomb.blogspot.com
GO GO GO!!
One in the world
And you can own it!
Just imagine!

What a day!
And i played a lot of games with my kids like AEIOU!
And i got caught twice
haha
duh
They were always aiming at me!
You insolent kids!
haha!
Ok la
Thats all
Bye

~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~