 ??? ??? Is
 ??? Straight Forward Demanding Deceiving Very Ignorant Extremely Arrogant An Extrovert Identity JR of Clan's First Batch CL of Last Batch Family's Sorcerer NIRAH's Youngest Drummer/Vocalist Half Javanese, Half Arabian Japanese/Korean Yunho from DBSK Is My Idol BUT My Rival Im Not The Ordinary Fangirl huahuahuahua!! Ex-Republican In W16M,E35B Listen Hacker Of Majidz Clan Free Web Counter The Twin
 ?Iyan The person who finds everyone familiar Was very quiet and anti-social at first But after being with me for god noes how long She has become a little bit TOO crazy To even fit for the mental hospital A great friend A person who always cheer me on for my dreams Always praising me for the things i dont think i have within myself And a person who always find my actions funny It figures Lets SPIT!
Martians Organisation
icifiedrR-roxy A"ffliators Aena my Mama Aierule Aiman AisyahRapii Akin Anuur Ariani Asha Ashila Ayid Ayumi Leslie B"oyish Boboi ?Botak ?Budak Belo C"a-Chng cHoCoFreAk Chin Yang FuckFace Cik Mok OI! Ct Twohill D"aisies Da fREAK Denise DIAN E"sctatic EmoSutun EriMerry! Evan F"reakzies Faiz Fatin Fazleena FJ G"ah! Geena H"ugs~ Hanie Helenay Heed (Whoever She Is) Hizan Rainbow Twin Hudaiku I"ntelligent Ili Irah Izyan-T J"oy? Jacinda Koh (P4) Jeffery Jocelyn Yang K"amikazes' Kandar KeeTee " Boss! Khairul Anuar Kia Jin L"ooney Literature M"icros' Max ?Minx Miss Zhang Muhaimin Mustika E35B N"otNaive Nabilah [STA] Nisa Nura Nurul Aini Nurul Blackittie P"oof! ?PIXELGOD ?Princess R"acers! Raimi Rara Kecik Reira S"weeties~~ Sabri E35B Saint JB Shakila Shamirah Shao Qi Shazzy Shida Shiela Bestie Shirin Rain Sood Spin Syazni Syu Sun T"alented Teeya TheseDances U"niversal/V"ague? Unknown Victor Voices Aloud Y"ackers.hoho! Yi Jun ?Yayat Z"??? Zahd Zahra'a Zai Petom Za-zarinah Zaza # 2E1 EVG Sec ?4e3 Two00Six 4A1 [2006] credit *NaRa*
Centuries Old
Date : February 2006Date : March 2006 Date : April 2006 Date : May 2006 Date : June 2006 Date : July 2006 Date : August 2006 Date : September 2006 Date : October 2006 Date : November 2006 Date : December 2006 Date : January 2007 Date : February 2007 Date : March 2007 Date : April 2007 Date : May 2007 Date : June 2007 Date : July 2007 Date : August 2007 Date : September 2007 Date : October 2007 Date : November 2007 Date : December 2007 Date : January 2008 Date : February 2008 Date : March 2008 Date : April 2008 Date : May 2008 Date : June 2008 Date : July 2008 Date : August 2008 Date : September 2008 Date : October 2008 Date : November 2008 Date : December 2008 Date : January 2009 Date : February 2009 Date : March 2009 Date : April 2009 Date : May 2009 Date : June 2009 Date : July 2009 Date : September 2009 Date : January 2010 Date : April 2010 Date : January 2011 Date : May 2011 Date : June 2011 Date : January 2012 Credits
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Sunday, July 26, 2009 7:02 PM - Is having friends a good things or is it just something that would victimised myself?
I might just shut down this site soon These thoughts inside my head wont stop bothering me And no one noes what im thinking actually Why the sudden change of emotions all the time Why i just wont listen Why i am so furious with my brother Even when i dont say it, i am feeling it I know sis did asked if there is something bothering me Just told her that ive been bothered for so many years already But she realizes that something is really wrong with me and no one actually understands how hard it is for me to explain it in detail None of you would understand I am very serious in this I am being extremely frank here Smoking wont calm me down Nothing does Neglecting my prayers for 2 years already Do you even know how bad it feels? I hate it I just want my old self back That one person who's quite carefree Who knows how to make my parents angry and dunno how to make-do with it Remained blur and not know alot of things like now Its just exploding inside my head these 2 almost 3 years I just want that girl who never fail to pray 5 times a day Leaving one prayer would make her not be able to even do something else And changing into what i am now Do you even know how i become like this?! To be overly obsessed with my ambitions And change my mind every now and then getting angry with my brother because he do not want to prac When its all there, the time I used to be the person who dont smoke I dont even dared to touch the box Im exposing everything here I dont even go close to my dad when hes smoking I used to be that daddy's girl Now, i see him as my nemesis I just knew too much Even things that i shouldnt know, i knew Even things i do not wanna know, i knew Now im stuck Thats what i meant FRIENDS! You guys dont get it do you?! Who would!! I told sister "Its the same" when she said i seemed a little different ytd How can i explain to her I wished i can cry But that incident in september 2007 just stopped me from it Good, im not the person you can mess with I can uphold myself and you can try to destroy me But this is the truth Every critics, mistakes appointed, im very weak to it Im like a Hocrux The outer layer is hard to destroy and will protect me as long as its intact But its cracking Do any of you even know that?! Like i said who would?! I only have my blog to rant all these anger to I have no exact HUMAN that i can tell everything to I just think too much about their feelings What would they think if i talk about it Would they even listen? I never failed to listen I ALWAYS listen But to advices, its hard for me to FOLLOW But anything else apart of about me, i listen To every feelings you all had I listen I know Most of you thought, i dont listen as much as you dont listen Sis You wanna know why im bothered Its this I recorded everything yesterday but i lost it Maybe its because of my fever that just got down But i do feel im at the losing end I see myself jumping down from the highest cliff I have nowhere to go Im just too obsessed with my ambition And i kept saying the same thing but i felt different each time It gets ppl bored to even listen to my talking I went to work just to earn money I quit school for my ambition I work, its it too None of you knew my real reason Dont try to make me regret my decision on leaving that school I didnt click with my Sem2 classmates But its normal isnt it? But indirectly, you dunno how it feels to be treated like a 'bimbo' in the class Thats why i made excuses not to go to school! It was asthma in the first few weeks, it was After a while, many neglected me Thats when i lost hope on even stepping into that class I made up reasons saying my mom needed help and i have to go home immediately Remember that excuse some of you? I even made Hizan called and act as if she wants me to go home immediately I know this "I trusted you", "I believed you" phrases might be recited from your mouths right now Im not dumb I know alot of things No one knows how my brain works I can lie at the very last minute I can make my lies seems true with only me knowing the truth I covered everyone's butt for their safety And most of the time, i forgot about mine Why is it so difficult to even spare time to talk to me? Buddy Yes, this paragraph is specially for you I can to help you Even at my busiest times, i still put everything aside and help you I dont want any friend of mine to die Just lemme die from it, but not you Do you even know this? I dont care about my looks when i leave the house Sis, Remembered on how you bug me to put on something on my face coz its hari raya in 2007 but i refused? My believe is still intact If the heart is pure, you will be too. If its not, you wont Just look at my evil works and lies You didnt know i stole my parents money Those money that were lost before, i stole it Part of it were me All of those doings, those bad doings of mine Everything is in my head Its not miraculous that i changed to be like this in 2 years Theres no point in apologising to me, anyone of you I never blamed anyone around me But i blamed myself For not being able to win over your heart and show some appreciation to what i have done And of course, to those who have helped me, i have tried hard in showing my appreciation If its not up to your standards, from the bottom of my heart, i really thank you I cannot describe this thanks that i felt Its too big and it made me smile alot Just imagine on how buddy's small message like, "gi tido!" can make me smile very widely till i went to bed How twinny's "cranky woman!" could make me laugh everytime i thought of it how W16M's "ehh trojan!" can make me happy all of a sudden whenever i thought of it And how mom's first present to me, years ago, a hello kitty bank, can make me smile when i thought of it till now These tears and the scream for help is all stuck in my throat It wont come out Because i just have it not to These are not even half of what is in my head not even half I dont seem busy because im not My mind is working non stop My thoughts are always there to bother me I cant stop it and none of you can Im just too obsessed Dont tell me its part of growing up I know what is and whats not And you can say that im selfish on appointing what good i have done to ppl and not what good they have done to me Just not to worry I never neglected it And thats part of the reason why i dont want to hurt or leave anyone of you And i lied on not loving khai anymore I do actually Who dont? Just dont lie I covered this one the most I still do regret losing a friend like him A brother like him Seeing him now made me smile and angry at the same time When Rid mentioned about him I stayed immune to it But yes, ive moved on They are just memories They are my lessons They were my days Its only mine to keep And i have the right to keep it Im always so lonely Just that, no one knows Even if my humours are great to you Its not to me Its never to me ~NaraKitaraEQ reAliTy~ |
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